The Real War on Women

December 07, 2012

Multiple Pages
The Real War on Women

A popular meme claims there is a “War on Women” in America. Unlike an actual conflict, this conflagration takes on as many metamorphoses as there are maniacs to proclaim it is occurring. For thinking individuals, “feminism” means equal rather than identical. Yet the only thinking done in this mêlée is the degree to which everyone thinks their opinion is right.

All of the following have been considered proof positive of one’s hatred of the fairer sex:

• Believing a woman should pay for her own contraceptives, make her significant other pay for them, or simply abstain from sexual relations altogether means you abhor women.

• Believing a woman who goes through more than five boxes of prophylactics (approximately 60 condoms) in a month (roughly $30 worth) is more than likely a whore or sexual deviant means you do not disdain that particular woman but all women everywhere.

• Believing whether you agree with their dogma or not, certain religions should not be made to subsidize the sexual behavior (or nymphomania) of others is clear indication of your animosity toward women.

“These days, ‘feminism’ only means having the same opinion as the loudest dame in the room.”

• Believing abortion is inadvisable religiously, morally, philosophically, physically, socially, or even plain old economically shows you dislike women.

• Believing it is not a positive thing to abort a baby in the second trimester, even when it could survive outside the womb, shows you hate women (though supporting such carnage evidently does not mean you hate babies).

• Believing any baby born which still has so much as a little pinkie toe still inside its mother isn’t ripe for chopping up means you detest women.

• Believing any woman who claims she was raped must proffer some kind of proof of said allegation in court aside from her word means you are a Doubting Thomas Woman-Hating Troll.

• Believing that any woman anywhere at any time might make a false allegation of abuse for money, notoriety, or simple mental instability means, yes, you loathe women.

• Believing in the proven and well-documented (though seldom discussed) statistic that women instigate physical abuse against men at least as often as the inverse means you are a despicable demonizer of women.

• Believing the notion of “equal pay” is entirely dependent upon proving “equal work” is yet more demonstration of your woman-hating ways.

• Believing that being a woman is not, of itself, a good enough qualification to be elected to any office means you are a woman-abominating Old Boy’s Club member who is probably homosexual anyway.

• Believing it is unseemly to rejoice in being “the first woman to ever do X” when we are all supposed to be equal means you are secretly filled with fury at women everywhere.

• Believing women in a traditionally male sport are fine but if so everyone plays on a level field, as in auto racing where equipment must be balanced so as not to give a woman weighing 100 lbs. less than a man an unfair advantage, then you clearly scorn women. (If you mention a certain woman hasn’t won a single race since the enforcement of such conditions you detest her, all female racers, and every vagina on Earth.)

• Believing there is no problem for the best professional female golfer to compete in the men’s tournament but also think that means the worst pro male gets to participate in the ladies’ tournament, then obviously you have no idea what the word “parity” means and are filled with Sapphic scorn.

• Believing, saying, or even thinking that women are often other women’s worst enemies is more proof of your chauvinism and that you are femme-ferocious.

• Believing the phrase “War On Women” is completely contrived and to the extent there actually is a war on women white men are the best allies women have anywhere in the world and they better get their damn heads screwed on straight before it’s too late because many women really do have a hell of a lot to fear in this violent globe, and setting up straw-man opponents to avoid dealing with the reality is only a self-serving vanity masking deep-seated cowardice shows, you guessed it, that you hate women.

Sadly, since I do believe some (though not all) of the above, it is clear I fit the definition. So now that my reputation is completely ruined (except among other women who actually know me and are thus obviously in no position to judge my merits) let me say a few words about this great battle.

Watching television the night of the presidential election one could clearly make out a teary-eyed young woman being embraced from behind by another “youth.” Now, the hard truth—but for the massive police presence in Chicago that evening at this particular venue our little doe-eyed innocent would far more likely be enjoying only the cold embrace of death.

Without too much detail, there are certain statistics (those damn numbers again) which demonstrably convey who are the lethal threats on the killing field for women who look like Margaret Hoover.

Recently, crime reporter Nancy Grace broke the (literal) blackout in the media on the Knoxville Horror. Watch the video and see who are the actual “haters” and who are the victims. It is a particularly gruesome story, but one generally replicated in the hundreds of thousands every year. It is more than likely being reenacted somewhere this very moment. The perpetrator is not an “old white male” but a young black one.

Admittedly, those “old (and even young) white men” say offensive things from time to time and make comments not intrinsically offensive but conveyed in clumsy and inarticulate ways. Yet in the aggregate, it stops there. As far as war criminals go, the “old white male” is more Tokyo Rose than Unit 731. In fact, you could even say that if the “War on Women” had a face, it would look very much like this one.

In all this kerfuffle things such as common sense, rational thought, and logical deduction have absolutely no place (that is, unless you happen to live in the three-fourths of the world as yet uninfected by such hysterical war whoops). Using any combination of the above does nothing more than demonstrate that you are hopelessly mired in patriarchal battle tactics and have no idea how real women wage warfare.

These days, “feminism” only means having the same opinion as the loudest dame in the room.

Image of woman courtesy of Shutterstock

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