Vile Bodies

The Perv Behind the Badge

May 01, 2012

Multiple Pages
The Perv Behind the Badge

Being at the mercy of a person in uniform can drive a reasonable person to madness. But if you’re in a less-than-reasonable mood and you encounter a zealous TSA agent, you might find yourself in jail or on a no-fly list. In extreme cases, contact with a human trafficker in a UN uniform who has diplomatic immunity can get a person raped, tortured, and buried six feet underground. Given the choice, I’d go with the TSA.

After reading about Kathryn Bolkovac and UN involvement in human trafficking in Bosnia alongside recent events involving hookers and Secret Service agents in South America, one wonders how many incidents go unreported. We all know the TSA is a horribly flawed agency loaded with benighted manpower, but it seems like the higher the agency, the more lascivious the corruption becomes. Who or what is to blame?

“If we were all truly equal, there would be no need to distinguish between officers and civilians.”

On the outside one might think the trouble lies with naughty individuals. But institutions such as the United Nations which provide immunity to its officers afford a licentious creature the protection he needs to operate with little fear of reprisal. Without the badge, bad guys are nothing more than gangsters. Give them a badge and human trafficking flourishes because criminals are offered protection by the people who supposedly exist to protect the innocent. Obviously local policing is necessary in civil society, but why bother putting people in uniform if they exacerbate the problem?

Officers tends to infantilize people. Do adults really need a “hall monitor” to make sure no monkey business is underway? People tend to police themselves when left alone. This requires making decisions, which requires using one’s mental faculties, which can be challenging, at least for some people. Managing one’s total lack of power can be difficult as well, particularly when dealing with a person in uniform who is operating under the assumption that everyone is a potential threat rather than the more likely assumption that most are not. TSA agents tend to be the most unqualified individuals when it comes to managing the power bestowed upon them. Climb up the totem pole and you will find border guards, immigration officers, policemen, military officers, and Secret Service agents who are increasingly likely to be the sort of deranged individual you should fear. It makes a person long for the DMV lady.

There are many honorable and dutiful servicemen. They are not the ones I’m challenging. These guys are. And these guys. And all the guys that protect the guys that protect the guys that are big, strong, horny maniacs who spend too much time with men and guns and not enough time with women that aren’t prostitutes or slaves.

When at the mercy of a man or woman in uniform, compliance is the easiest way to be rid of them. Put your ego aside, do what they tell you, and soon enough you will be on your way. If you think you know better and have a righteous cause against them, think again. Going up against a supposedly friendly institution such the United Nations is not going to win you many friends—and frankly, who has the energy to fight widespread corruption and injustice? The sad truth is you can’t play with the big boys unless you are a big boy. The real world is just like the sandbox; if getting your ass kicked is your idea of fun, lead the way. Kathryn Bolkovac can probably tell you a thing or two about what you’re up against and how hard it is to make something wrong right when you’re dealing with a supposedly legitimate entity.

Uniforms often represent corruption rather than fight it. So where does that leave us? Admitting individuals have no real power is a vague option. Fearing the fact we have no power and donning a badge to pretend we do is a popular option. I find the former more appealing, because who wants to be a pussy with a badge? I’d rather be a bona fide badass even if that means breaking the law and suffering the consequences. On the other hand, wearing a uniform and sporting a badge really adds an air of legitimacy to a person’s life, especially if they like sex, drugs, alcohol, and role-play—and who doesn’t? Never mind the gross malfeasance.

People like to say we are all equal even though we all know that’s a pile of fantasy talk. About the only place we are all equal is on an existential level. In other words, we are all equal in that we are born and we die. Everything in between is categorically askew. If you are too dense to accept this concept, let me make it easier for you to understand: Some people wear uniforms and some people do not. Those that do not wear uniforms have less power than those that do. If we were all truly equal, there would be no need to distinguish between officers and civilians. If we were all truly equal, there would be no difference between Barack Obama and his whoremongering protectors.


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