During an interview in 2008, a female golf buddy of Tiger Woods was kidding around about how difficult it is to compete with him. Someone joked that they should gang up on him and while laughing she quipped, “lynch him in a back alley.” She doesn’t have a boss and she refused to apologize but the Puritans still needed a sacrifice. It was the biggest story in golf that week so the editor of Golfweek put a picture of a noose on the cover. Finally, someone steps into the crosshairs. He lost his job the next day.
In 2011, this ESPN announcer said goodbye to 25 years of announcing football games for the crime of calling an asshole an asshole. He had come under fire in 2005 for daring to call a woman “sweetheart” so you can imagine the outrage when, six years later, he said to a woman, “Listen to me, sweet baby, let me tell you something….” She was infuriated by the remark and demanded he refrain from talking to her like a child so he said, “OK then, listen to me, asshole.” Despite his apologies, he was instantly forced into early retirement.
Also last year, this UCLA professor conducted a SCIENTIFIC STUDY that found no correlation between particulate pollution and death rates. In other words, big trucks aren’t ruining the planet. Instead of pointing out flaws with a study that dares go against the Holy Green Narrative, the administration let him go.
In January, this British soccer player was joking about a hulking gay rugby player named Gareth Thomas who was on the reality show Big Brother. Steele Tweeted, “I wouldn’t fancy the bed next to Gareth Thomas,” followed by, according to conflicting accounts (he deleted the Tweet) “#padlockedarsehole,” “#padlockmyarse,” or “padlock my arse.” Though it is clearly impossible to padlock one’s anus, the LGBT community screamed like ten million bloodthirsty pink hamsters. The league canceled Lee’s contract and padlocked their doors. At press time, their arses were unavailable for comment, possibly because they’ve been padlocked.
A couple of weeks ago, a white male editor at a black women’s magazine was canned for making “racist” remarks on his private Facebook page. And by “racist” they meant that he thought Bill Ayers was a radical, Al Sharpton was a race-baiter, and townhall.com is a reputable news site. The fact that all of these are unequivocally true is a hatefact.
There I go again, trying to find reason in their crusade. Logic plays no part in their decisions about what constitutes cultural blasphemy. All they know is that their insatiable gods need more sacrifices. All I know is their gods must be crazy.
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