The Myth America Pageant

September 20, 2013

Multiple Pages
The Myth America Pageant

Last week, America was allegedly aghast over the first Indian Miss America. TIME said the pageant had become “Marred by Racist Slurs.” Huffington Post described a “flurry of indignation” and CNN said she was “attacked.” MSNBC said viewers “lashed out” at the winner for “her ethnicity.”

So what was all this hateful bile America was spewing? What was so repugnant it made Stephen Colbert “totally lose it”? Once again, the answer is: nothing. Without exception, the outrage was related to Tweets. That’s right. Twitter. The place in cyberland where adolescents tell their 13 followers how tired they are and say, “Fuck you faggot” to their friend who refuses to root for Green Bay. You know you’re desperate to find a villain when you have to mine the flippant comments of 500 million users to locate examples. Wow, a teenager named Dallas thinks Indians are Arabs. Oh no, a fat kid named Colton thinks the Miss America contestant did “Egypt dancing.” You know what else teenagers say? “This apartment isn’t zombie-proof.”

“If you’re looking for intolerance, you may want to check in with the Muslims you think everyone’s refusing to tolerate.”

One of the most quoted Tweeters during this fake crisis was someone who goes by the screen name @emi_adkins and told Davuluri “you look like a terrorist.” This person has zero followers. The only Tweet from an account of any consequence was Fox News contributor Todd Starnes who said, “Miss Kansas, a gun-toting, deer-hunting, military veteran was America’s choice - but not the liberal Miss America judges’ choice.” Starnes is the author of the book Dispatches from Bitter America which depicts a pair of overalls carrying a gun and a Bible. If he can’t prefer the contestant who was a gun-toting war vet, who can?

And he’s right! America did choose the gun-toting contestant via social media, but the judges overrode them and went for the diversity dollar. Once again, the root of all evil is the notorious hatefact. The judges Starnes claims are not exactly in line with Miss Kansas include the very gay Lance Bass, the even more gay Mario Cantone, the seemingly lesbian Barbara Corcoran, the rumored to be gay Joshua Bell, and an androgynous looking chef with a “big gay following.”

These are the people are in charge of choosing America’s ideal woman. They misjudged and all Starnes did was call them on it. The media throw him in with millions of dumb teenagers and now it’s all part of a racist attack. (The gays seem particularly incensed by all this as characterized by Josh Kruger’s “Pathetic White Racism” rant.)

I believe the media created this mythical backlash for the same reason the judges overrode the voters and went for an Indian. They’re trying to shock us into tolerance by giving us some tough love that’s ultimately better for us as a country. Hey idiots, we already had an Arab Miss USA and she was way terroristier than this one. When the mind-blowingly hot Rima Fakih won, the reaction from America was mostly, “Hmm. Pretty.” It was the Muslims who were outraged. We’re not xenophobic. We’re Western chauvinists and we’re right.

So here’s the deal, TIME, HuffPo, CNN, MSNBC, NYT, and a pile of gay judges: I’m not looking for life lessons. I’m not blind. Newly crowned Miss America Nina Davuluri is a stunner. I don’t think I’d kick her out of bed if she tried to kill me. Besides the somewhat hirsute lower back, I find East Indians to be some of the hottest women around. I also think they make great Americans and have said so on many occasions. However, like Todd Starnes, I don’t appreciate patronizing lessons from liberal gays on what woman I should like. I also deeply resent the implication that Americans are racist. The only thing more annoying than this accusation is the endless depths “journalists” will go to prove it.

During WWII, we all hated the enemy equally. Sometimes we went too far and stole Japanese Americans’ land after separating them from their families. Mostly, it was good-natured pride as everyone from Mickey Mouse to Superman joined the patriotic fight against the enemy. Today, the enemy is Muslim but Americans are sophisticated enough to understand the ones here are not the same as the ones there.

This country could afford to be more dubious of Islam. One of the reasons Fort Hood happened was that the shooter’s fellow officers were too scared of sounding racist to criticize his strange behavior. The Boston Bombers may have started out Muslim back in Chechnya, but many reports say their radical Islamism blossomed in the States. Here in New York, virtually all cab drivers are Muslim and my wife and I were once asked to leave for kissing inside of a taxi. Some drivers still refuse to transport alcohol.

Despite all the justification we have for being intolerant, America keeps saying, “Good morning” to anyone who doesn’t tread on them. When NBC hires actors to put on Muslim garb and become hate-crime victims at a NASCAR event, the attendees smile and politely walk past. When ABC hires an actor to go into a diner and encourage others to be as anti-Muslim as him, he gets called an “ass-wipe” and eventually a soldier in uniform says, “You have a choice to shop anywhere just like he has a choice to practice his religion anywhere. That’s the reason I wear the uniform—so anyone can live free in this country.” This is an accurate depiction of America today, not what some zombiephobes think.

If you’re looking for intolerance, you may want to check in with the Muslims you think everyone’s refusing to tolerate. In June, the Miss World competition being held in Indonesia canceled the bikini competition after Muslim protests. CBS’ take on the whole thing was that Jakarta is “a tolerant, pluralist society.” Apparently they had not been made hip to the child rape problem going on over there. In a rare display of rational thought, Muslims unveiled their own beauty pageant on Wednesday and proved that women look ugly in ridiculous costumes

During an episode of Red Eye, Dennis Prager told me, “The difference between us and them is they think we’re evil. We just think they’re wrong.” Liberal media hates us with a passion and we just want to help them understand how stupid they’re being. I believe that deep down they know Islamophobia is not a problem but they want it to be true. They want it to be true because it would justify the seething hatred they feel within for those of us who disagree with them, AKA The Average American. Sorry guys, not gonna bite. You’re the hatemongers and in the end, you have to live with your hatred.


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