High Life

The Great Eurozone Bestiality Party

December 08, 2011

The euro’s fall would cost the UK 200 billion pounds, although the UK is outside the eurozone. How did this happen? Easy. The EU is beyond government control. Yet Paddy Pantsdown and Michael Heseltine still bang on about adopting the euro—they say the sooner, the better. I’m mystified that they still want the UK to join the eurozone. Maybe they merely like traveling to Brussels, which I suppose is a bit like having sex with Brian Sewell.

But I must not go on about the EU’s propensity for animal rights. If I were a goat or a donkey and had to service some of those Brussels techno-crooks, I’d claim animal cruelty and then some. Imagine Van Rompuy or that Ashton woman with a sweet little goat or a cute-as-hell donkey. Some will claim it’s all unsubstantiated gossip, but I have photographic proof and eyewitnesses have come forward. That ghastly frog Jacques Delors allegedly got the ball rolling long ago. He is said to prefer horses—specifically, polo ponies.

Speaking of gossip, a man named Joseph Epstein has written a long and interesting book on gossip, giving us the lowdown on many higher-ups—people such as Ari and Jackie, the Windsors, Harold Pinter, and JFK. He tells us about a London ménage à trois between a woman, her maid, and her Mastiff. Alas, it happened back in 1681. For a second I thought he would be ruining my exclusive about EU biggies and sex with animals.

Epstein reveals something everyone whose brain has not been zapped by too much junk TV knows: Barbara Walters is America’s dumbest woman, which makes Babs the dumbest woman on Earth. He also gives us Tina Brown—perennially climbing the ladder of success and never quite making it while always precariously balancing her act on somebody else’s dime. Tina is living dangerously on Barry Diller’s stockholders’ dime to the tune of more than $10 million per annum. That’s what her website loses, yet Diller calls it a success. I’d do the same if I had suckers paying for it. Brown has probably lost more money over the 25 years she’s been an American editor than anyone ever, yet she manages to keep finding people to invest in her. What was that about a sucker being born every minute? Over 25 years she’s probably set the record for financial losses in publishing. Good for you, Tina.

 

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