News

The Week That Perished

September 30, 2018

The Week That Perished

COLLEGE PROGRAMS TEACH MEN TO BE LESS MANLY
We live in a world where men, especially white men, feel as if they are entitled to just walk into any McDonald’s or Burger King and start violently raping every woman he sees. Not only is this horrifying and terrifying, it is completely problematic and entirely unacceptable.

Thankfully, women across the world are starting to scream “RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!” whenever there are men around, which studies have confirmed will lessen the chances that men will actually rape them.

On college campuses, all women and a select group of men who realize there’s something wrong with being men are reaching out to lecture, scold, shame, horrify, terrify, threaten, and tsk-tsk men into being less manly.

Brown University—which has rules for dating and consent that are so elaborately detailed, they could likely wilt the ragin’est boner in the universe—currently features a “Masculinity 101” program boasting a curriculum called “Pedagogy Against Patriarchy” in which men tell other men to lay off their toxic maleness at the risk of severe disapproval and vigorous tut-tutting. According to Garrett Robinson, who as a running back for the college football team is sufficiently masculine but also sufficiently woke to realize that masculinity is bad:

Football is a very masculine sport, so to hear things that I accepted as normal being challenged, like players insulting each other by saying they ‘play like a girl,’ made me want to get involved.

Be that as it may, we strongly suspect that if Robinson were to play like a girl, he would lose his position as running back to a manlier male. Regardless, Robinson busies himself with teaching men to stop acting like men by counseling males in groups such as Ultimate Frisbee and Men’s A Capella to start putting a softer touch on everything lest they slip up and start raping again.

Neil Irvin is another man who is concerned up to his little brown gills with the Man Question. He leads a group called Men Can Stop Rape, which isn’t exactly true if the man is being raped and his rapist is physically stronger than he is. According to Irvin, men not only need to stop rapin’, they need to stop all the manly things they do that lead up to rape, which is the ultimate expression of maleness:

For some men, they think if they’re not raping anyone, that’s enough. But we’ve seen that it’s not. We need to train men on healthy masculinity at a young age.

At the University of Wisconsin, a group called Men Against Sexual Assault is led by a woman named Colleen Whitley, who opines:

It’s really important to have both men and women lead training. Men need to hear different perspectives. All women have experienced toxic masculinity, whether assault or microaggressions. We look at how toxic masculinity contributes to sexual assault. We also look at the continuum of harm, like pornography, which is often violent toward women, or just whistling at a woman on the street.

That broad sounds like dragsville, cats, like a king-sized drag.

The “Toxic Masculinity” virus has even infected Southern California’s famously conservative Christian private school Biola University, where students were recently given a verbal tongue-lashing about the dangers of maleness and responded by writing down on cards the lessons that they’d learned from the aggressive shaming session. Among those lessons were:

There is no reason for a woman to be less of a person.

I learned that the idea of “being a man” is made up.

Apparently they don’t realize that toxic masculinity is the only thing that will save us from lethal femininity.

FRENCH VEGANS GO BONKERS
Vegans across the world are fundamentally insane carnivores with meat-cutting teeth who suffer from the delusion that if given the chance, animals would reciprocate and save them, too.

They also believe that “speciesism” exists and is an unfair and unnatural hierarchy which places humans above other animals, probably based on the observation that humans possess the intelligence to build weapons that allow them to kill or enslave animals. They claim that the age-old profession of butchery amounts to “genocide” and “persecution” of animals, even though there will always be plenty of animals to butcher and eat and despite the fact that animals are always eating human beings with zero qualms of conscience whenever they get the chance.

“Toxic masculinity is the only thing that will save us from lethal femininity.”

In France, where everything is more annoying, radical vegans are on a violent campaign to terrorize the country’s butcher shops into shutting down. This year alone, an estimated 17 butcher shops in France have had their windows smashed by groups of mentally ill meatophobes who are likely driven insane by a lack of Vitamin B-12.

The only sane solution for vegan terrorism is to feed all vegans to lions.

GIANT MOSQUE OPENS IN GERMAN CITY WHERE NEW YEAR’S MUSLIM RAPEFEST HAPPENED
In the German city of Cologne a few years ago on New Year’s Eve, mobs of Muslim men estimated in the hundreds raped and harassed screaming German women while the powers that be tried to sweep it all under the flying carpet.

Now, almost as if he was rubbing Germans’ noses in diversity, comes word that Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan is coming to Cologne to give his blessing to the giant, bulb-shaped Cologne Central Mosque that opened last year and can hold 1,000 inbred goat-diddlers at any given time to worship their intensely insecure and vengeful God.

The European Union needs to issue a law stating that Allah is not welcome on their continent until he completes a state-certified anger-management program.

PIPPI LONGSTOCKING TRANSITIONS INTO A SOCIAL JUSTICE GYPSY
The mischievous freckled ginger girl known as Pippi Longstocking is Sweden’s most successful literary export. Now, against the objections of Pippi’s creator Astrid Lindgren’s surviving family members, Pippi has gone transracial and is a “homeless Roma migrant living in [a] Stockholm ghetto” who makes her home in a car that had been abandoned in a car wreck. She is now a “warrior against injustice” and if statistics are any indication, the remodeled Pippi is likely to start raping blonde-haired Swedish women at any moment.

The only “injustice” here is what’s happening to Sweden.

FRENCH RAP VIDEO: “KILL WHITE BABIES”
A French rapper with the decidedly non-French and non-rapper name of Nick Conrad is en eau chaude after the recent release of a video for a little ditty he recorded called “Pendez les Blancs (Hang the Whites.” Sample lyrics:

I go to nurseries and kill white babies. Catch them quickly and hang their parents, tear them up to entertain black kids of all ages big and small. Whip them hard, frankly, it stinks of death as blood is gushing.

The song’s video depicts Conrad and a black accomplice beating the poo-stuffin’s out of a white character.

Conrad hails from the suburbs of Paris, where a recent study found that Mohamed is the most popular baby name for boys. The study also found that of the top 20 most popular boy names in the Parisian suburbs, a full dozen of them are “of apparent Middle Eastern origin.”

Remember the famous photo of the “weeping Frenchman” who was brought to tears at the sight of the Nazis marching up the Champs-Élysées? Do you think he’d cry harder at the sight of what France has now become?

SUSPECTED “BASEBALL BAT KILLER” HAD BEEN DEPORTED SIX TIMES
Police in Santa Monica, CA have arrested a 47-year-old illegal alien from El Salvador named Ramon Escobar and suspect him of beating three or more people to death with a baseball bat in the LA area. They seized a wooden baseball bat and bolt cutters they believe are linked to at least six attacks on homeless men in LA. Escobar is also a person of interest in the disappearance of his aunt and uncle in Houston late this past summer.

He had first been ordered out of the USA in 1988, but it took nine years to finally deport him. After that, he had been deported an additional five times between 1997 and 2011. He had been arrested for assault as recently as November 2017.

And yet due to an overwhelming fear of appearing racist, he was allowed to continue eating American-made tacos and allegedly cracking heads with baseball bats rather than being permanently deported as sane societies would do—or shot dead in the streets, which is usually the way things go in his country of origin.

It’s obviously time we ban the private ownership of baseball bats.

STUDY: BOYS ARE PRIMARY VICTIMS OF TEEN DATING VIOLENCE
When people hear the term “domestic violence,” they automatically think “men hitting women,” despite the fact that the most comprehensive study of family violence ever conducted found that about half of such situations involve mutual combat and a quarter involve women exclusively hitting men, whereas only a quarter of the time the situation fits the stereotype.

A recent study published in Journal of Interpersonal Violence examined three British Columbia Adolescent Health Surveys covering 35,900 students in grades 7 through 12. It found that 5.8% of boys reported being hit by a member of the opposite sex they were dating compared to 4.2% of girls.

Some will be shocked at these results and others will see it as some sick sort of karmic justice.

It’s hell out there for boys. We’ve been saying that for years.


Every Monday, Jim Goad reads the previous day’s “Week That Perished” on his podcast.

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