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Sue Me!

April 25, 2012

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Sue Me!

Remember when people used to say, “Sue me!” if you complained about something they said or did? “Sue me!” was one of my favorite expressions and I used it in grade school a lot, though I don’t think I’ve uttered the words in 20 years. It’s worth saying twice because it is so deeply crass. No one with any sense of dignity would ever sue, but suing is all the rage nowadays.

Enter: two men who say they are victims of racial discrimination by producers of The Bachelor reality television show. Now a class-action lawsuit has been brought against ABC by the men who claim their case is about “hope and change” and that they want the show to reflect the country’s diversity. They should have pitched The Black Bachelor and made some money instead of wasting time with a ridiculous lawsuit. Did it ever occur to them that they might not have been discriminated against by the show’s producers and that outside of their fantasy lives, not all white girls have jungle fever? Furthermore, they might want to remember the old wives’ tale about marrying one’s own kind. I remember all the fools who think they know better than grandma. Dummkopfs!

“No one with any sense of dignity would ever sue, but suing is all the rage nowadays.”

No, it doesn’t end there. Four Muslims who were fired from IHOP are suing for racial discrimination as well. The Muslims claim they are still unemployed and have suffered greatly because of the damage to their reputations the job loss caused. They should be grateful they were fired. IHOP doesn’t even make good pancakes. If they’re worried about their reputations, maybe they shouldn’t advertise their religion and try to blend in with the locals. After all they are living in a Christian country and their religion calls for the murder of infidels. Just sayin’.

In more reality-TV news, Basketball Wives star Jennifer Williams is slapping Nia Crooks with a lawsuit for slapping her in the face. I’ve never heard of these women or watched the show but damn, those sure are some slaphappy wives! Better be careful, Jennifer—you’ve already lost your husband who is now happily slappin’ someone else’s ass. Do you really want to lose your job over this one? If you do, you might wind up slapping yourself.

Phil Spector, the murderer with the craziest hair in history, is suing the California city of Alhambra. Spector is in prison, but his wife lives in the house where he murdered actress Lana Clarkson in 2003. Apparently a city construction project is weakening a retaining wall and causing landslides on his property. Karma’s a bitch, Phil. You might want to suck this one up and pay for the damage yourself. Haven’t you cost the taxpayers enough already?


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