Joe Bob's America

Stop Fiddling With Your Goddamn Phone

May 17, 2017

Sometimes you fiddle with your phone while fiddling with yourself. Anthony Weiner didn’t invent it, he just perfected it. This is not only gross, it’s potential jail time. I hope you’re entertaining an FBI agent, I really do.

The last time I went into T-Mobile, I was told the phone I wanted cost 850 bucks. So I said, “You just spent five minutes describing how cool the camera is on this phone. Give me a phone with no camera and take off 200 bucks.”

“There is no phone with no camera.”

This was the actual reply.

“You don’t want a camera?”

No, I don’t want a camera. And you know why? Because I don’t want anybody saying, “Take a picture of yourself.” I’m tired of taking pictures of myself. That would require me to excessively fiddle with my phone.

Eastman Kodak doesn’t make phones. Apple and Samsung shouldn’t make cameras.

The next time I see you standing in the middle of the street, fiddling with your phone, I’m gonna yell, “That cop just shot that black boy while Lady Gaga was going into the corner deli with Anthony Weiner! Tweet it! Tweet it now!”

I’ll do it. Don’t test me. Rome is burning.

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