Superstardumb

Semites, Sex, Drugs, Royals, and Rock ’n’ Roll

February 22, 2012

Multiple Pages
Semites, Sex, Drugs, Royals, and Rock ’n’ Roll

CASTING STONES
Oliver Stone’s son has converted to Islam and is now the righteous Sean Ali Stone. The young Stone adopted his new religion last week in a bid to foster peace among Christians, Jews, and Muslims. Stone is Jewish as well as a baptized Christian. “I consider myself a Jewish Christian Muslim,” he said. No word yet on whether or not the Hollywood heir will be able to end a 1,500-year-old conflict. He is being ostracized in Tinseltown and says he’s experienced “the reverse of anti-Semitism” by “pissing off some powerful people.” Dear Sean, God bless you for trying, but “powerful people” are avoiding you because you come off like an amateur, not because of some grand cabal. FYI, Arabs are Semitic people, too. So what precisely is reverse anti-Semitism? 


RONNIE WOOD: STILL FLOATING
Moss-gathering Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood has yet another young gal pal. Since divorcing his wife of 23 years back in 2009 he has had a slew of girlfriends half his age and younger. First there was Ekaterina Ivanova when she was a 19-year-old waitress, followed by 32-year-old Brazilian model Ana Araujo. He recently broke up with 25-year-old Nicola Sargent, only to take up with 34-year-old Sally Humphreys. What do these women possibly see in this ancient piece of driftwood? It can’t be because of his looks—he’s a bony, wrinkled wretch! Surely these lasses aren’t after his fame or money. Maybe he’s a really nice guy. If it’s for sex, well, he certainly has the experience. Ew.

“What kind of a gentleman picks a fight with younger men?”


TAT 1, TAT 2
Possibly in homage to the fact that Ronnie Wood refuses to die, teen singer Miley Cyrus recently got a tattoo on her bicep that says “love never dies.” Cyrus might want to take cues from ex-bad boy actor Mark Wahlberg, who is having his tattoos removed under his two eldest children’s watchful eyes. Wahlberg is attempting to persuade his munchkins against getting inked by forcing them to watch his painful and extensive laser-removal sessions. On the mark, Marky Mark.


KOBE B. BAD
LA Laker Kobe Bryant is supposedly going through a divorce from his wife Vanessa, though the two were seen kissing at a Lakers game on Valentine’s Day. Vanessa is currently shopping around for an apartment in New York City, but the basketballer wants to reconcile and has said he will never, ever cheat on his wife again if she takes him back. Vanessa stands to gain $75 million if the divorce goes through. Should she stay or should she go? The couple have small children so it would be nice to see the young family stay together, but don’t take him at his word, Vanessa. Once a baller always a baller. Before you know it, he’ll be double-dribbling on you again.

ROYAL PAINS
Princess Caroline of Monaco’s son Pierre Casiraghi ended up in the hospital on Saturday after a bar brawl in Manhattan. The young man and his pals, including Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos and French art dealer Vladimir Restoin Roitfeld, were in some sort of altercation possibly relating to some models with one Adam Hock, whom the NYPD has charged with assault. Hock is claiming he was the victim of the disagreement which took place at the Double Seven nightclub, though he did not suffer any injuries. Casiraghi was punched in the face and is said to have flown across the room as a result. Hock says he was acting in self-defense and that his alleged attackers are spoiled trust-fund babies who acted as if the world owed them something. Hock, 47, looks like a tough guy and doesn’t come out well in all this. What kind of a gentleman picks a fight with younger men? Grow up Adam, and hock your story somewhere else. Nobody cares.

Dutch Prince Johan Friso is in a coma after a skiing accident in Austria last weekend. The 43-year-old royal’s future is still uncertain as he remains in an Innsbruck hospital. Doctors say they cannot be sure whether the prince will live or die before the end of the week. Friso was rumored to be skiing off-piste with the wild son of the owner of the Hotel Post near the Austrian resort of Lech. Friso has a wife and two small children.


ROCK BOTTOM
From coast to coast, the brouhaha over Whitney Houston’s death continues. In California, guests of the Beverly Hilton are demanding refunds for the inconvenience the singer’s death caused them. The hotel’s customers are claiming their stays were noisy and unpleasant. Supposedly they were forced to show their key cards to police and hotel security to gain access to their rooms. Reports claim furious guests were instructed to file complaints online or with the head office rather than the hotel staff. The Beverly Hilton isn’t exactly The Plaza, now is it? What did the customers expect? A famous lady died. Check out and go somewhere else, cheapskate. Meanwhile, Houston’s family reportedly stripped her hotel room of everything that could possibly be sold before the hotel slowly settled back toward sanity.

On the East Coast, Aretha Franklin failed to show at the funeral because she was preparing for an evening concert, but Kevin Costner, who delivered a poignant eulogy, topped a long list of celebrities who attended the service. Houston’s ex-husband Bobby Brown arrived at the funeral with an entourage of nine but left early when security guards had trouble seating his party and asked him to move. Bobbi Kristina, the couple’s teenage daughter, mourned the loss of her mother amid reports she disappeared after the service to get high. As they say, the crack rock doesn’t fall far from the pipe.

 

SUBSCRIBE
For Email Updates


Comments


The opinions of our commenters do not necessarily represent the opinions of Taki's Magazine or its contributors.