Television

Robert De Niro’s Imaginary Neo-Nazi Gangs of Boston

February 05, 2013

Multiple Pages
Robert De Niro’s Imaginary Neo-Nazi Gangs of Boston

What’s the female equivalent of “I’ll never get an erection again”?


That happened to me when I found out actor Alan Rickman—upon whose lap I’d often fantasized sitting while he read aloud from the Manhattan telephone directory—was directing a hagiographic play about “activist” dingbat Rachel Corrie (AKA “St. Pancake.”)

No doubt millions of other women had that same unwelcome physical reaction right after some blousy star-bonker announced this week that Robert De Niro kept on his socks during sex.

While he was never on my “f***-it list”—that Bananarama song left me profoundly unmoved—any residual feelings other females had for De Niro during his pre-funny grandpa era were likely erased by that hideous “Bobby socks” image.

If you’re me, though, the ultimate De Niro deal-breaker is the news that he’s producing a TV series about Boston neo-Nazis.

“There are more ‘Nazis’ on your average Hogan’s Heroes rerun than currently reside in all of North America. (And even they were played by Jews.)”

What’s next? A Ken Burns doc about Elvis’s pet Sasquatch? American Experience Presents…Martians of the 82nd Airborne?

Memo to Robert De Niro: American History X was not a documentary, just an ABC Afterschool Special with swear words.

There are more “Nazis” on your average Hogan’s Heroes rerun than currently reside in all of North America. (And even they were played by Jews.)

I know, because the ever-looming yet never quite materializing “neo-Nazi” takeover of Canada was supposedly the reason we needed our since-abolished (I helped!) “hate speech” law, Section 13.

One often hears that “if Such-and-Such didn’t exist, So-and-So would have to invent them.” Seemingly unaware that this expression is a wry observation about universal human stupidity, not a suggestion, our “Official Jews” reportedly invented “the Canadian Nazi Party” in the 1960s just so they’d have someone to “fight.”

(Now that’s a cool movie idea, Mr. De Niro!)

Look, I know Boston went through the whole “busing” thing—about which the “bad” i.e., “conservative” white guys were, as usual, absolutely right.

And yeah, I realize that Boston Herald American photo of the white guy spearing the black guy with an American flag has been reprinted in millions of textbooks.

But I also know the less-famous “punch line” to that Pulitzer Prize-winning image of Beantown at its supposed worst:

...the man who was being attacked was named Ted Landsmark….He is presently the president and CEO of the Boston Architectural Center….The man in the photo wielding the flag was Joseph Rakes, who when last heard from was a laborer on the Big Dig in Boston. Ted Landsmark is writing opinion pieces for the Globe about the nature of the art and landscaping that will go on top of the tunnel.

What a horrible country, eh?

P.S.: Even Landsmark’s against busing now, too.

(Now that’s a cool movie idea!)

I didn’t think “Boston neo-Nazis” were some festering problem that warranted a pricey, prestige television series with an Oscar-winning show-runner.

So I Googled the phrase “Boston neo-Nazis” and got back a grand total of four results, two of them a call to action posted at anarchist websites to counter-protest an August 24, 2002 National Alliance march on Washington, DC.

Illustrative “recent examples of fascist violence” listed in this old call to action “include a plot by Boston neo-nazis [sic] to bomb bridges and monuments named after Black and Jewish citizens.”

So I Googled various combinations of the words in that sentence. The best result I got was a January 11, 2012 post at Sam Francis’s blog, and by “best” I mean “funniest”:

New media hoax: Left-wing media turns liberal Jewish alleged bomb makers into “Neo-Nazis.”

(Now that’s a cool movie idea!)

Still figuring I had to be missing something, I sprang for a $9.95 pass to the Boston Globe‘s archives, granting me access stretching back to 1980.

Again, I typed in “neo-Nazis.” Of the 300+ results, most of them were datelined “Germany” or elsewhere in Europe.

Very few stories had any Boston connection. One tantalizing, far-too-short “Metro/Region” squib dated August 7, 2002 reassured locals that after “a summer break and reprieve from neo-Nazis who kept showing up at their meetings earlier this year, members of the Human Relations Commission are reconvening tomorrow night at the Memorial Building” in Framingham.

Wait: August, 2002 again? Were these the same saboteurs plotting to bomb the “Chaney, Goodman & Schwerner Memorial Overpass and Rest Stop” that all those anarchists had been fretting about earlier?

That’s still unclear to me, but I finally did learn something about that particular foiled fascist bombing spree, in a December 16, 2006 Globe story. The female half of—get this—“Aryan Unit One,” we’re informed, “got a job after finishing her sentence last year, took college courses on architecture, developed a romance with a Jamaican man, and gave birth to a biracial daughter….”

(Now, that’s…)

Oh, skip it. No point giving Robert De Niro all these free, based-on-a-true-story movie ideas when he’s dead set on cinematizing his predictable liberal fever dreams. He’d just get cold feet.

 

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