Pathetic Politicians

Rick Santorum, I Hate Your Face

April 02, 2012

And then there are Mr. Sanitarium’s Santorture’s Santumor’s Scroturum’s Santorum’s politics, at least what I can discern of them amid all the hyper-moralistic soapboxing. He is allegedly opposed to eugenics, says there’s no constitutional right to privacy, has vowed to wage a “war on porn,” and recently said the economy is not the main issue in the upcoming election.

Not scoring any points with me so far.

He is unflinchingly pro-life, whereas I’m only in favor of saving the lives of people whom I like. And the story of him and his wife cuddling his infant son’s corpse will remain creepy throughout ten thousand eternities.

He seems to wish that gays would cease to exist, whereas I only wish they’d shut the hell up and quit acting so gay about everything. Even so, the fact that he discouraged a young male from using a pink bowling ball is all kinds of gay.

He appears to think Iran poses a much larger threat to Israel and America’s existence than they do to Iran, which doesn’t make any sense in any universe bound by things such as logic and facts.

His fulminations against Islamic theocracies ring especially hollow from an American theocrat who also staunchly defends the Israeli theocracy. Since I’m an agnostic who’s highly wary of anyone who claims divine authority to intervene in my life, it freaks me the frick out that he claims to be fighting against Satan and apparently believes that God asked him to run for president.

Worst of all is his chronic moralistic flatulence that mirrors the tiresome prig-progs who are constantly engaging him in pietistic one-upmanship. From my experience, the most truly ethical people never blab too loudly about morality, and I’ve come to view theatrically self-righteous public displays as nothing more than crass social status-jockeying.

Rick Santorum is probably the loudest “social conservative” currently in American politics, and many of his loudest opponents are self-defined socialists. I’m suspicious of anything with the word “social” in the title. That’s because I’m antisocial. For me, politics isn’t so much about what sort of society I want to live in as much as what sort of people I want to avoid. I consider myself a misanthropic individualist, but lately many collectivists have taken to depicting anyone who resists the blind herd’s undertow as a “sociopath,” so it’s fine to call me that if it makes you feel better about your weak-ass conformist sheepishness.

It is precisely this moralistic mob mindset where both sides—Rick Santorum and those who hate him because they think he hates them—lose me. Both sides are uptight control freaks who value “morals” over logic and display meddlesome authoritarian impulses.

For a moment I wondered whether I’d rather eat lunch with a socialist or a social conservative, and I instantly resented myself for daring to suggest such distasteful options. In a perfect world I’d stick both sides with the check, grab some takeout, and run.

 

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