High Life

Poor Little Greek Girl?

April 14, 2018

There are ill-informed people who insist one should not paraphrase the classics. Balderdash! Get to it, girls. Men are bad, bad, bad, women are good, good, good, and there’s money to be made. Extortion, too, can be profitable. I don’t know about London, but here in New York men are running scared. Lawyers and private eyes are employed against an upswing of false accusations and blackmail. Rich men in particular are the targets. The latter are being advised not to apologize because an apology is now an admission of guilt. The #MeToo movement has given baseless claims more teeth, according to a gumshoe by the name of Herman Weisberg. “If you’re accused by somebody by e-mail, do not apologize,” advises Sam Spade. “It’s an admission of guilt.”

My, my. What’s a poor little Greek boy to do? Actually, I know exactly what to do. I’m going to have a sex change. Safety first, as they say in school. It simply doesn’t pay to be a male any longer. At least over in these parts. Take, for example, my sexual-harassment suit against the ladies of The Spectator. My lawyers—Epstein, Epstein, and Goldfarb—had assured me it was a slam dunk. A judge thought otherwise and threw it out. Now my lawyers are suing me for nonpayment even though they had taken my case on a contingency basis. I wish I had been born a girl.

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