Joe Bob's America

One California Is Enough

June 28, 2018

The only way to break a state into smaller states is to (a) get the approval of two-thirds of both houses of the state legislature (that’s not what this ballot initiative does), (b) get the approval of both houses of Congress, (c) get the approval of the president, or (d) survive any court challenges based on the 200-year-old laws being designed for a different set of preconditions.

Of course, the other way to deal with this “ungovernable” problem would be…to govern. We could start by eliminating Silicon Valley entirely and turning it into an app. If you live up there and need anything, just go to the Government icon on your smartphone and the app will figure out what you’re entitled to, determine how fast it can be delivered, and charge your credit card.

For everyone else in Olde California, it might surprise you to find out that other states have dealt with the exact same problem. Upstate New York is Republican, but New York City is Democratic—they work that out in a place called Albany. Downstate Illinois is Republican, but Chicago is Democratic—they work that out in a place called Springfield. West Texas is hardcore Trump country and Austin is so liberal they have statues of famous vegans in the public plazas. Florida has so many political variants, from rock-solid conservative Palm Beach to ultra-lib Key West, that the legislature in Tallahassee is like a Turkish bazaar.

Bottom line:

You’re supposed to live next door to the weird guy with the ridiculous opinions.

He’s part of the demos.

He’s gonna vote against you.

You might have to, like, talk to him, dude.


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