Culture Clash

No Tears for Piers

January 01, 2013

All that prompted someone to launch a petition via the White House website calling for Morgan’s deportation, the logic being that he presumably swore allegiance to the Constitution when he moved to the US but is now trying to undermine that document’s Second Amendment.

While claiming to be ignoring this prank, the same man who titled his memoir Don’t You Know Who I Am? keeps Tweeting about the growing number of signatures on the petition. (It’s gaining on 100,000.)

(A counter petition insisting that no one in the UK wants Morgan back has far fewer signatures.)

Weirdly for such a brave, outspoken soul, Morgan has been mute regarding the curious case of his media colleague and fellow gun-hater David Gregory, who a) recently broke a few gun laws by brandishing an empty ammo clip on television and b) sends his kids to a school staffed with armed guards.

Instead, Morgan doubled down and proposed “amending the Bible.”

With his contract renewal a crapshoot, Piers Morgan is clearly auditioning for his next gig, on a stage built with the blood and bones of dead children. He’s cannily positioning himself for martyrdom, serving up a scolding history lesson in the Daily Mail on Sunday:

I’m just the latest target, the advantage to the gun lobbyists being that I’m British, a breed of human being who burned down the White House in 1814 and had to be forcefully deported en masse, as no American will ever be allowed to forget….America’s unique fondness for guns pretty much got cemented by hatred of us Brits and the War of Independence….I can spare those Americans who want me deported a lot of effort by saying this: If you don’t change your gun laws to at least try to stop this relentless tidal wave of murderous carnage, then you don’t have to worry about deporting me….I would…seriously consider deporting myself.

Shortly after Morgan joined CNN, fellow broadcaster Adam Carolla was asked to assess King’s replacement, whose new show was already faltering. Carolla’s instant-classic rant became a minor YouTube hit and is more entertaining than anything Morgan’s ever done.

Carolla bellowed:

Who’s Piers Morgan? We should’ve run you outta here….Who decided we had ‘Chubby-Guy-In-His-50s-From-England-Who-We’ve-Never-Heard-Of’ Fever?’

Carolla then served up an eerily prescient modest proposal that would likely attract far more than 100,000 signatures, not to mention rare bipartisan enthusiasm:

We need to send Ted Nugent to London to annoy them.

 

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