New Year’s resolutions work only for bores and ambulance-chasing, money-grubbing lawyers. Normal people do not and cannot stick to them. Hence I will list for you my irritants of 2013, hoping against hope that they’ll disappear, but I don’t advise any Taki’s Mag reader to hold his breath.
Bill Maher. His political correctness aside, he has a repulsive face, a nose that closely resembles a penis, and a mind so fine that no original idea could violate it. Maher fancies himself a writer, but in reality he has a large retinue of writers who scribble the stuff he presents as his own. He’s as phony as they come but I love looking at him because by comparison he makes me feel like Apollo, Adonis, and Paris of Troy combined. Maher hates conservatives, Christians, heterosexuals, and people who don’t smoke dope. He went weak at the knees when Christopher Hitchens was in proximity. Come out, come out Bill Maher, all is forgiven, and you could marry Andrew Sullivan (who likes it bareback).
Gay marriage. Many good friends of mine are homos, and the last thing they desire is same-sex marriage. That’s why they like the word “gay” rather than “queer.” They are swingers, not homebodies. The patrimony of the United States consists of values and traditions, and same-sex marriage ain’t one of them. I am not homophobic and I support civil partnerships, but I find it a crime for politicians and busybodies to have the effrontery to redefine an institution such as marriage, which has been upheld since time immemorial.
David Frum, Bill Kristol, and John Podhoretz. In their infinite wisdom, the ancient Greeks mistrusted very ugly people. These three neocons exemplify mistrust. All three are fat and shrill and hysterical and need to wear makeup when out and about; otherwise, horses might bolt. In olden days they would have been sent to a leper colony. Now they appear on TV.
Maureen Dowd. The female version of the three stooges mentioned above, she is as politically correct as they come. She keeps reminding us that she was born a pleb. Gee whiz, Mo, did you think any of us ever mistook you for anything but a lowlife? La Dowd was in ecstasy when Romney bit the dust. A lot of people were, but she went on for days writing how the next time we will have more gays, more blacks, more Hispanics, and more women, making sure no white guy is ever president again. Is that what they mean when they call this kind of hysteria penis envy?
Africa. I am rather tired of having people raise money for Africa. The bloodiest continent of all, it has immense mineral wealth and lies in the midst of fertile land and favorable climate, yet the poverty is endemic, its leaders psychopathic murderers, and its only hope is that the white man stay away and let them sort their problems out or recolonize the place and build schools and hospitals and teach them some manners.
The EU. Never in the history of the world has a bigger con been perpetrated by a bunch of conmen that make Damon Runyon’s Big Julie from Chicago and Nathan Detroit look like Socrates and Plato. It is indicative that the EU’s base is in Brussels, capital of a non-country, invented by the Brits to stop the Germans attacking them in the 19th century. (It certainly didn’t stop Germany during two World Wars, although it weakened the Wehrmacht slightly; Belgian women were very busy sleeping with the good-looking German officer corps.) Everyone who is not on the government’s payroll knows that where government controls have been effective—Europe, Africa—the impact has been devastating. These bums in Brussels pass close to 1,000 laws per month, turning Europe into one big bureaucracy where the unelected bureaucrat is king. High taxes, economic controls, and price-fixing are the bureaucrooks’ answers to all problems. There used to be a law pertaining to the length a banana must be before it can be sold. Brussels knew very well that the Greeks were cooking the books but did absolutely nothing about it until even the Greeks couldn’t hide any longer. The EU is the greatest danger free men and women are facing. Give me Uncle Joe Stalin any day. And Benito did make the trains run on time. Nuke Iran? Never. Nuke Brussels instead.
Benjamin Netanyahu. He looks like a dishonest plumber and would be one if he hadn’t managed to intimidate people with pro-settler zealots, right-wing donors such as the casino-owning man from Las Vegas, and the storm-trooper tactics of those who equate the slightest criticism of Israeli policy to anti-Semitism. Netanyahu has no intention to allow a two-state peace. He considers Palestinians to be hardly human and scoffs at their aspirations. He cries wolf at all times and will do his damndest to get Uncle Sam to bomb Iran. Watch out for AIPAC going on overdrive when the combat veteran Senator Hagel’s name comes up for confirmation. Who ever said Israel doesn’t decide things in DC?
Have a happy 2013.
Copyright 2014 TakiMag.com and the author. This copy is for your personal, noncommercial use only. You can order reprints for distribution by contacting us at firstname.lastname@example.org.