Hollywood

Loathing Lindsay Lohan

December 13, 2012

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Loathing Lindsay Lohan

One of my minor irritants is seeing weak people intentionally set up to fail. It happens more often in Hollywood than anywhere else on Earth. When a production tanks, a troubled actress always fits the bill. No starlet better finds a scandal than Lindsay Lohan.

Following a couple weeks of solemn reflection we see that coming off her “comeback” role, Lohan has been in for an onslaught of criticism. No, she did not portray Elizabeth Taylor as well as she might. Yet one couldn’t name more than a few actors able to successfully channel celebrities, and even among those one can’t give names because imitation is the sincerest form of failure. Playing an excellent Orson Welles doesn’t make you a genius, just a good mimic.

“Most actresses and actors aren’t especially talented. They are merely good at playing themselves in various circumstances.”

Most actresses and actors aren’t especially talented. They are merely good at playing themselves in various circumstances. At best, they are less spectacular at acting than they are at wise script selection. The public likes Tom Hanks because he’s always a nice guy in his films. If the people esteemed quality performances, Chris Cooper would be widely known and the highest paid thespian on the West Coast.

Elizabeth Taylor made over 50 films during her Hollywood tenure and perhaps 15 are great, an additional 15 are good, and the rest are so atrocious you’ll be checking her filmography to make sure that’s actually Liz in the role. If you really want some unmitigated crazy, try out Secret Ceremony. That little performance makes Lindsay Lohan look like Olivier twice over.

Lohan did just about as well as anyone in Tinseltown would have done with this post-Thanksgiving turkey.

And whose fault that was during production? Hint: It wasn’t Lindsay Lohan’s.

How to explain this complete lack of story structure? Hint: It was a Lifetime Movie. As in: no money. As in: no budget. As in: no quality control.

A film is only as good as its script. We have all seen incredible movies featuring personalities we’ve never heard of before. What we remember are the words.


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