Economic Crisis

Kicking the Can Over the Cliff

January 02, 2013

Multiple Pages
Kicking the Can Over the Cliff

Anyone who has two brain cells to rub together for warmth on a cold winter morning knows that this whole “fiscal cliff” debate is nothing more than a petty squabble over tweaking the amount of a terminal cancer patient’s chemo. If Team Red and Team Blue ever hammer out a deal, it will amount to scooping a thimbleful of water out of the ocean. Preventing another recession—let’s pretend we ever came out of the first one—will not forestall an inevitable catastrophic depression.

Still, most of the government’s media mandarins have been successful in deviously flipping the core issue. The question the MSM’s federal shills keep asking is “Who will pay the bill?” rather than “Why the HELL is the bill so large?” You’ll hear them prattle all day and all of the night about “hate” and “anger” while keeping absolutely mum about “fractional reserve banking” and “fiat currency.”

“Quit thinking of the word ‘tax’ as a noun and start thinking of it as a verb.”

The Creature From Jekyll Island is poised to eat America. But the government keeps using credit cards to pay off credit cards to pay off credit cards to pay off credit cards, all while the average working stiff or business owner is stripped of their belongings if they dare to miss a payment or two.

“Quantitative Easing” is a sweetly perfumed term that actually means “anal dilation for taxpayers.” It’s not as if the average American taxpayer currently “owes” over a million dollars in unfunded government liabilities. Pretend that’s just a figment of warped conspiratorial imaginations. Question the sanity of anyone who dares to make it an issue.

Trying to rein in Leviathan is somehow depicted as “obstructionist.” One must never obstruct the bloody beast. One must continue tossing raw meat into its maw. Anyone who stands in the beast’s way is full of “hate” and “anger.” We know who the problem is here, right? It’s those Tea Party redneck rural paint-huffing Bible-thumping cousin-humping bigots who aren’t like we are and whose chief sin is that they don’t like people who are different than they are. We all know it’s a scientific fact that those people are only against abortion because they prefer the taste of newborn babies.

The average naïve and uninformed American seems to believe that a politician’s main role is to care about his or her feelings. As long as the words sound vaguely compassionate and the soundtrack is uplifting, they’ll swallow whatever ball of honey-coated dung that politicians feed them. In truth, politicians care about us so much, they even indenture the unborn to lifetime financial servitude.

If you oppose taxing the lifeblood out of the people until their bodies are dried-up like beef jerky, well, you’re obviously a racist. Not that there’s any correlation. There doesn’t need to be a correlation in a world where feelings trump facts.

So quit hatin’, y’all! Let some air in this room! Raise that debt ceiling! Raise it so high we can’t even see it anymore! Let the clouds roll over our eyes and forever obscure the bad, evil, hateful truth for us! Let us pretend that the iron mallet of Western imperialist mathematics won’t strike us in the head! Let us hold hands, regardless of race, creed, gender, or sexuality, and pretend that math doesn’t exist! Math is for people who don’t like gay marriage and transgendered three-legged hamsters! Math is an illusion, and our feelings are the only things that are real!

It’s hard not to think that the so-called culture wars are a purposely engineered distraction. How about we shelve the idea of government-funded acrylic prosthetic penises for female-to-male transsexuals and slash interest payments to the Federal Reserve instead? Why is that never discussed? That should be the first and most severe spending cut.

Wise up, ye numskulls. Quit thinking of the word “tax” as a noun and start thinking of it as a verb. That way you’ll realize its synonyms include strain, stress, demand, exact, pressure, agitate, annoy, bother, exasperate, gnaw, grate, harass, hassle, irk, irritate, nettle, pester, vile, and hex. Think long and hard about how little say you’ve had in how they spend even one penny of the money they demand from you at gunpoint. Start to realize that when a “tax break” expires, they want you to believe it’s not a “tax increase,” even though the federal hypodermic is drawing more blood from your veins. Ponder the fact that when a biker gang feels someone has crossed them, they confiscate their money or belongings and call it a “tax.”

You know who’s truly to blame here? Anyone who’s simpleminded enough to think that only one party is to blame here. In the end, all they’re doing on Capitol Hill right now is robbing Pedro to pay Pablo. The hospital patient’s long-term prognosis is decidedly negative. To be optimistic is to be stupid.

Oh, and Happy New Year.


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