March 18, 2011
Gaddafi’s still raging against the rebels, Japan is teetering on the brink of a nuclear crisis, and radiation is floating on over to Alaska. Yes, the world’s a mess, but you wouldn’t know it from the in-fighting and break-ups persisting among the most beleaguered of all populations: A-listers. Take a short breather and wade into the shallow end of the news pond.
Kate Middleton slipped into something a little sexy in 2002 for a fashion show and supposedly “caught Prince William’s eye.” The dress, made for a school assignment called “The Art of Seduction,” went up for auction this week and grabbed $125,884. Not a bad deal for the designer—the see-through slip cost less than $50 to make.
A pricey auction is one smart way to capitalize on the furor surrounding the royal wedding. Here’s how not to do it: rush through a low-budget film chronicling Kate and Wills’ love story and shoot it in Los Angeles. Among the problems with Lifetime’s quickie adaptation: their 6-foot 5-inch Prince William forces fake Kate to stand on a crate during their scenes; their meager budget can’t afford wigs, so Will sports a full head of hair; and a Los Angeles hotel is supposed to fill in for Windsor Castle. None of this will stop us from watching, of course, but hopefully the actual wedding has a dose of glamour.
In case this wasn’t obvious, Justin Timberlake did break Jessica Biel’s heart. Supposedly, he was miserable for two years—years!—before dumping the actress earlier this month. “You’d be surprised at how soon the love was lost on this one,” says a “pal” of the star. And yet, they stuck it out? Timberlake never admitted any affairs—Mila Kunis and Olivia Munn are just two of the names thrown about—and he’s probably already making the rounds looking for his next leading lady.
Kids, they just don’t know how to change their passwords. New nude photos of Vanessa Hudgens found their way to the Internet this week, and now the FBI is getting involved. A notorious hacker is likely to blame for hacking her accounts, and is said to have targeted Scarlett Johansson, Ali Larter, and Miley Cyrus. Young stars fight back against hacker bullies—that’s a thin enough plot to make a Disney movie.
Jon Hamm’s taking it easy during the Mad Men hiatus. He turned the big 4-0 last week and celebrated at the Top of the Standard with SNL’s Lorne Michaels, Kirsten Wiig, and Sarah Silverman. Surprisingly, Hamm hit his whiskey limit at 1am and had to be helped out by his friends. Even Don Draper can have an off day.
Jodie Foster’s coming out…in support of her longtime friend Mel Gibson. Foster, who directed Gibson in the long-delayed film The Beaver, teared up while talking about the troubled actor—“God, I love that man,” she said. “He’s so incredibly loving and sensitive, he really is.” “He’s not saintly, and he’s got a big mouth, and he’ll do gross things your nephew would do. But I knew the minute I met him that I would love him the rest of my life.” Unlike Gibson, Foster’s nephew probably avoids being booked on a misdemeanor battery and three years of probation.
Look for this to be mocked on an upcoming episode of 30 Rock. Tina Fey is on the cover of this month’s InStyle magazine (hooray!) but she’s nearly unrecognizable. With her face scrubbed of all flaws and her body Photoshopped into an impossibly small waist, Fey’s the latest star to come under the (fake) knife. The rest of the photo shoot hasn’t been revealed, but they couldn’t be worse than the cover.
On the other hand, Anna Wintour might be asking for a little Photoshop help for herself in the near future. Vogue’s editor has revealed a tiny, gluttonous secret: she loves potpie. The highly fattening dish is an inexplicable new favorite of people in the fashion world, Wintour included. Her personal chef says she likes it because it’s “quick to serve and moves things right along.” Surely they must all be eating one bite, or two, as the whole dish clocks in at hundreds of calories.
We’re always up for a good feud, but Bon Jovi’s timing is a little off with this one. The legendary frontman said Apple founder Steve Jobs is responsible for “killing” the music business with iTunes, and that he misses the “magical time” kids used to have basing their purchases on an album cover, putting their record on (or whatever) and becoming immersed in music. Bon-Bon has a point, but it’s one that goes over like a lead balloon when iPads are being snatched up in droves and Jobs is walking around looking very ill.
Miley Cyrus is breathing a sigh of relief. No, she hasn’t put down her salvia bong, but her parents have called off their divorce. Billy Ray Cyrus, continuing his media tour de force talking about his personal life, said he’s going to try to patch up his 17-year-long marriage. And the Cyruses lived happily ever after…until the next scandal.
Copyright 2014 TakiMag.com and the author. This copy is for your personal, noncommercial use only. You can order reprints for distribution by contacting us at email@example.com.