In Praise of Mexican Inventors

June 16, 2014

Multiple Pages
In Praise of Mexican Inventors

President Barack Obama—who would never lie…at least not intentionally…or at least he wouldn’t admit it…recently spoke at a Massachusetts school where he claimed that “30 to 40 percent” of the pupils are “DREAM kids,” which basically means that they are dreaming if they think they are here legally. He added that “our future rests on their success.”

Is this encouraging?

Most of the DREAMers are from Mexico, a nation of 120 million whose residents love their country so much, they keep fleeing it to live in the United States.

Apart from a mean IQ of 87, what will these diminutive and swarthy newcomers bring to the table in terms of success? In his book Travels in Mexico and Life Among The Mexicans, Frederick Albion Ober speaks of the nation’s “inventive genius.”

OK, then, what have Mexicans invented?

“Toss a plate of nachos in the microwave and pop open a cerveza, America—you have seen your future.”

We are told that the ancient Aztecs invented chocolate, chewing gum, and popcorn—well, they didn’t exactly invent popcorn, but at least they shared some with their Spanish conquerors, which shows that they are a fundamentally nice and generous people. They also allegedly invented “mandatory, universal education” and “were familiar with the wheel” but only saw fit to use it in children’s toys rather than as an aid in conveying post-pubescent Aztecs across great stretches of dry terrain. It is also common knowledge that the Aztecs were pioneers in open heart surgery.

Wikipedia, which was named after a man named Craig—no, wait, that was Craigslist—lists a category called “Mexican inventors.” There are more than you might have expected—seven, to be exact.

Ignacio Anaya is thought to be the inventor of nachos. According to Wikipedia:

In the early 1990s, a holiday called the International Day of the Nacho was initiated to commemorate the invention of nachos and to celebrate nachos. The International Day of the Nacho, which takes place on October 21, is observed chiefly by eating nachos.

Heberto Castillo Martínez was a socialist political activist and inventor of the tridilosa, a steel-and-concrete architectural thingamajig that to the naked gringo eye looks fairly indistinguishable from basic scaffolding. Wikipedia’s page on the tridilosa says that the “topic of this article may not meet Wikipedia’s general notability guideline,” which would probably feel like a slap in the face to Martínez if he were alive.

Victor Celorio has received patents for a print-on-demand technology known as InstaBook, although he was not the pioneer of print on demand itself, seeing as patents for such technology go back to the 1970s.

Guillermo González Camarena introduced a form of color television to Mexico and received a US patent for it in 1942. However, there are patents for color-TV technology going all the way back to the late 1800s.

José Hernández-Rebollar received a 2010 patent for an electronic glove that can translate sign language “into spoken and written words.” Still, even the text of his own patent filing acknowledges that his “AcceleGlove” was hardly the first so-called “smart glove” and that the technology has roots that extend back to the 1960s.

Luis Ernesto Miramontes Cárdenas was one of three researchers (his partners were Bulgarian transplants who’d relocated to Mexico) who co-invented “one of the first three oral contraceptives.” So he can be credited with inventing one-ninth of the birth-control pill, although Hispanic girls living in America are apparently ungrateful for his invention.

Manuel Mondragón “designed Mexico’s first semi-automatic rifle” around 1904. Mind you, that was a semi-automatic rifle. The world’s first fully automatic rifle was invented four years earlier.

So en total, the world can thank Mexicans for inventing nachos. Not that there’s anything wrong with nachos per se, except that they are very fattening, which may have something to do with the fact that Mexico is now the world’s fattest country.

Wikipedia is hardly the final word on anything, but how do Mexico’s seven inventors stack up to other countries’ output? Wikipedia lists 374 inventors from England, a country with less than half of Mexico’s population. It lists 200 Russian inventors, although the modern Russian Federation’s population edges out Mexico’s by 23 million or so. It features 182 French inventors in a country of 67 million, at least 100 German inventors in a notoriously intolerant nation of 80 million, and 93 Italian inventors (Italy’s population is half of Mexico’s). Even relatively tiny nations such as Belgium, Sweden, and Norway—combined population of 26 million—cranked out a total of 101 inventors notable enough to have their own Wikipedia pages. Spain, which may have provided much of the DNA for Mexico’s seven inventors, has less than 40% of Mexico’s population yet produced three times as many inventors. Jews—who total a mere 14 million worldwide, many of them thought to be centered in Jew Town—racked up an impressive 136 inventors, which on a per-capita basis really puts Mexican inventors to shame, assuming that Mexicans can be shamed.

There is obviously only one reasonable explanation for all this—Wikipedia is racist.

Although Anglos may or may not have “stolen” land from Mexicans, it’s obvious they didn’t steal anything in the way of technology. So toss a plate of nachos in the microwave and pop open a cerveza, America—you have seen your future.

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