Joe Bob's America

I’m a Terrible Person

April 05, 2018

I have been an enabler. When Larry “The Horse” Tankersley told me he intended to put down $10,000 on “Red” at the Arizona Charlie’s roulette wheel in a last-ditch effort to get his wife’s engagement ring out of hock at the Pawn Daddy Jewelry and Loan out on the Grapevine Highway, I said, “If you win you stay married, if you lose you’re free”—and persuaded him to embark on the series of events eventually resulting in his being beaten over the head with a plunger handle.

I have repeatedly demonstrated unconscious bias, especially while drunk and thereby unconscious.

And I have spoken from a position of traditional privilege, thanks to my degree in electrical wiring from the DeVry Institute.

I hate me. Everything I do is an offense against helpless underrepresented demographic groups that will now assert their moral superiority and kill me. I accept that fate. I’m a relic. I’m pathetic. I hope someone invites me to be the commencement speaker at Bard College next year just so I can be disinvited and humiliated. I hope the Moose Lodge takes away the trophy they gave me for speaking there in 1994. I hope that every book I ever wrote will be pulped and burned so the vileness can end.

Go ahead, tweet my day.

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