Oy Vey!

I Hate the Comments Here

March 18, 2016

Multiple Pages
I Hate the Comments Here

I’ve been writing for this site since 2008 and am very thankful to be a part of the Takimag family. It didn’t even occur to me to jump ship when the Derb was lynched and outside of my loyalty to the bravest old codger writing today, I didn’t leave because Takimag is unapologetically devoted to free speech. Taki senior is an inspiration and his daughter Mandolyna is a joy, but all that being said, the commenters on this site are a fucking nightmare.

They’re not as bad as the ones on liberal sites. They don’t use Valley-girl colloquialisms like “I just can’t” and “Is this satire?” Nobody is worse than the people who comment on Gawker, HuffPo, Slate, and Salon. They skipped school during the Logical Fallacies week and make mistakes that are so rudimentary, you feel like you broke into your babysitter’s diary when you read them. Almost without exception they say, “Sure, some people are like this, but others aren’t,” before concluding, “You can’t generalize.” I don’t know how many times I’ve had to tell these kids that one contrary anecdote doesn’t obliterate a pattern.

That doesn’t mean Taki readers don’t have their own phenomenally irritating habits. They can be summarized into the following five traits.

“At least recognize you’re doing what old men have been doing since Caesar.”

(1) “I DON’T OWN A TV”
You can’t discuss a TV show or a film without getting proud pedants telling you how they threw out their TV twenty years ago and “haven’t looked back since” (these same people inevitably watch TV on their computers, which is somehow meant to be different). Congratulations, you don’t take in information using a particular tool that most other people use. Do you also prefer vinyl to MP3s because the sound quality is “infinitely superior”? Like vegans and atheists, the TV-less can’t wait to tell us how much they enjoy abstaining from something the rest of us enjoy.

A television is like a computer. You don’t need to watch Real Housewives. You can DVR a documentary about the Ottoman Empire commercial-free and you can rewind it to show your wife the part where your father-in-law was right, there have been no famous Slovak generals. It’s just a tool. Do you also hate Sharpies because people use them to draw penises on the guy who passed out at the party? Most cable plans contain hundreds and hundreds of channels with pretty much everything you can imagine. I understand if you don’t have the facilities to bend this machine to your will. I just can’t understand how you fault others who can.

(2) DA JEWS
Every time I hear commenters talk about the Jewish problem on this site, I hear “Da Jews” the same way they say “Da Bears” in that SNL skit. Sure, you can convince me that today’s strain of politically correct fascism has its roots in postwar Jewish Marxism. I’d even concede that the impetus was some kind of societal sabotage to prevent white males from feeling so good about themselves that they start another Nazi party. However, that was then and this is now. Today the fascists shutting down talks and getting people fired are white. They’re also primarily women and LGBT and mixed race, but the Jews are on both sides of the battle. Just last week we had yarmulke-wearing Joel Pollak pitted against yarmulke-wearing Ben Shapiro. Both are ardent supporters of Israel, but Joel likes Trump and Ben hates his guts. The so-called Jew-run media despise Trump despite his daughter (and hence his grandchildren) being Orthodox Jews. The modern Jewish experience is in the middle of a diaspora all its own. The “Jew York Times,” as you people call it, is way more inviting to Islam than everyone but Al Jazeera. If the Sharia law the Times fawns over were ever to be implemented, Pinch would be gone in a pinch.

You can’t get much more pro-Islam than these indoctrinated Marxist college students, and there is no way on earth they’d allow a pro-Israel speaker on their campus. We recently had Liberty GB’s Paul Weston and Jack Buckby (or as the U.K. antifa mob calls them, “Posh Spice and Scary Spice”) tour North America giving talks about the dangers of Islam. In Toronto, white goyim tried to shut the talks down as security from the Jewish Defense League pounded the crap out of the protesters every time the cops weren’t looking.

You can’t moan about a conspiracy when there’s so much infighting your enemy doesn’t have time for you. Even if the Jews were unified against you, what are you whining about? I’ll never forget Jared Taylor talking about the “Jews in your sandwich” mentality where you see them everywhere and it becomes a crutch. He pointed out that we criticize blacks for blaming the white man for all their problems and then turn around and blame the Jews for all our problems. “It gets to the point,” he said in that strange old-timey English usually reserved from 1940s movies, “where if it rains on your birthday, you blame it on the Jews.”

(3) “RAP IS CRAP”
My grandfather hated rock and roll. He thought it was too loud and that Elvis guy shaking his hips around looked like a bloody queer. He didn’t listen to any of it but it probably sucked and it couldn’t hold a candle to the big-band music he and my grandmother would go ballroom dancing to.

Saying modern rock, pop, or yes, rap is garbage is completely subjective. When I hear Mac Miller do “Donald Trump” I can appreciate it for the youthful enthusiasm and reckless naïveté crammed into it. It’s no longer my cup of tea, but I remember playing in bands at that age and can recall how fun it was being that stupid.

(4) “COMEDIANS AREN’T FUNNY ANYMORE”
I criticize comedians because they talk about politics from the perspective of someone who hasn’t really looked it up. I hate hearing Amy Schumer talk about gun control like she’s ever picked up a book on the subject. It’s like hearing your mom school you on Norwegian death metal. When I bring this up on the site, the readers inform me that nobody has been funny for half a century. This doesn’t mean humor died when you got old. It means your interest in it died. You sound like liberals bitching about Fox News shows they don’t watch. Amy Schumer’s show is hilarious. “Girl, You Don’t Need Makeup” is a work of art. I know it was mostly written by Kurt Metzger (another comedy genius whose politics I hate), but she chose him and curated a bunch of other brilliant writers to create one of the most perfect sketch-comedy shows ever made.

Last week I harped on David Cross and Bob Odenkirk’s irrational hatred of Donald Trump, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t consistently created some of the greatest comedic bits in the history of the genre. It’s unfathomable that any of you could make anything in the same universe as “The Bob Lamonta Story,” so shut up about something you know nothing about. That’s what I’m mad at comedians for doing. I spend all day researching the minutiae of politics, and to hear these guys talk about immigration when they have no clue how many illegals are in this country is as frustrating as hearing you bitch about comedy when you have no idea who Mr. Show is. I hate Lena Dunham but Girls is an incredibly honest and sincere show that does what it’s supposed to do: convey a lifestyle we were previously unaware of, warts and all. Louis C.K. is the master of stand-up. Sarah Silverman has been hitting it out of the park for decades (and recently proved herself a gifted dramatic actress as well). The same goes for Patton Oswalt, Dave Hill, Samantha Bee, and many other misinformed liberal comedians. Sure, they’re no Foster Brooks, but neither was he.

I get that old codgers roll their eyes at modern pop culture, but at least recognize you’re doing what old men have been doing since Caesar.

(5) THEY ARE ANONYMOUS
Pretty much everybody is guilty of this online but I feel the need to include it here because there are countless examples of anonymous people calling out the writer for being a pussy. It’s a lack of self-awareness rarely seen in the adult world. When confronted with this obvious hypocrisy they claim they can’t afford to use their real names because it would cost them their livelihood—as though Jim Goad, Kathy Shaidle, Steve Sailer, and David Cole are typing away in the back of their limousines. Yes, I realize Thomas Paine and Ben Franklin were occasionally anonymous. You’re not in their league. When we see your anonymous comments, they vanish immediately after because the writer had no stakes.

When Public Enemy sang “fuck a critic” they were talking about talentless, bitter hacks who dragged artists down because that’s all they had to contribute to society. You’re like that but worse.

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