High Society

How Bimbos Saved the American Republic

November 10, 2012

Multiple Pages
How Bimbos Saved the American Republic

Another American election has come and gone, this one noteworthy for its complete absence of candidates from America’s richest, most famous family dynasties. As far as I can tell, names with an Old Money, Social Register flavor—Rockefellers, Mellons, Fords, Astors, Vanderbilts, Morgans, Amours, Stanfords, Carnegies, and the du Ponts—are a rarity in today’s political landscape. Yes, the last half-century has seen three Rockefellers (Winthrop, Nelson, and Jay) and two generations of Bushes plus a few Kennedys, but this stream is all but dry.

The absence of these names is hardly trivial. The Founders feared the political consequences of powerful, rich families, even in the absence of aristocratic titles. The Constitution recognized this possibility when it authorized hoi polloi-dominated state legislatures to choose Senators rather than direct election where only the richest, most powerful could win an expensive statewide election. The Electoral College centered on states, not the popular vote, likewise insulated the Republic from influential dynastic families (e.g., the Adamses of Massachusetts, the Livingstons and Van Rensselaers of New York) that might dominate a particular state or region but not the entire nation.

“For those worried about America becoming a plutocracy, bimbos are the unsung heroes, our magnificent hidden resource.”

The retreat of prominent families from civic life is a complicated story, but let me suggest one critical but often neglected explanation: the salutary role of bimbos (also known as tarts, floozies, vamps, and more recently, Natashas). In a nutshell, as these gorgeous and typically empty-headed women marry into rich families, the family’s genetic stock declines. With this decline, public careers for offspring slip beyond reach. Yes, the descendants of John Jacob Astor or Commodore Vanderbilt still enjoy money and power, but this is not power over the public realm. The Republic has been saved.

Understanding the bimbo’s contribution requires a quick biology lesson. The founding males of the great financial empires were undoubtedly men of immense intelligence, a large portion of which resided in their genes. Andrew Carnegie, J. P. Morgan, and the like were “outliers,” probably three standard deviations or more above the IQ mean.

These men passed both a financial and biological legacy to their children. The financial portion was enormous. The biological portion was also substantial, but their progeny undoubtedly slipped a bit when it came to brains, since extreme traits such as extraordinary intelligence seldom persist across generations. The familiar parallel is exceptionally tall parents having tall children who are rarely as tall as their very tall parents.

This second generation was, nevertheless, sufficiently smart to sustain the empire (think Lawrence Rockefeller, Henry Ford II). It is at this junction of the genetic saga that bimboism appears and critically alters history. Unlike the patriarch, the second-generation male lacks any incentive to marry for brains since a smart wife is not an asset. The upshot is that these hyper-rich men often became enamored of bimbos (i.e., the gold diggers, trophy wives), marry them, and sire a rather ordinary third generation.

To understand how bimbos disrupt the family’s genetic legacy, consider the likelihood of an exceptionally clever bimbo. If the odds of being smart are, say, 1 in 5, and the odds of being sufficiently stunning to attract a wealthy man to marriage are also 1 in 5, the odds of both exceptional brains and exceptional beauty are 1 in 25. In other words, discerning a woman of great beauty before you, one’s best guess of intelligence is “modest.”

Thus, when our scion sashays off to mate and settles on a magnificent piece of ass, this glamour will be paid for with children of near normal mental endowment though physically attractive thanks to mom’s genes. Call it the “Kennedy model of human capital development.” The bimbo has destroyed dynastic intellectual power at its source. It is hard to imagine life being otherwise. Why should rich men of second-generation wealth settle for brainy Plain Janes when stunners with spectacular bedroom skills are conveniently available? Who could believe that the elite so readily destroy their cognitive advantage, attempt to do it so often, and have so much pleasure doing it?

The gossip pages regularly tell this story. The physically nondescript founder and his dowdy wife raise some “solid” children who continue the family fortune. Junior’s wife is, however, far more valuable as a sexy knockout than as breeding stock. Their children grow up in a world of catered indulgences from attentive nannies and possess all the self-control of a lifelong welfare recipient hitting the big jackpot lottery. These progeny are often plagued by school problems, alcohol and drug abuse, legal scraps, and difficulties in holding even no-show, no-work jobs. Their calamities support a well-paid army of fixers and advisors euphemistically called “longtime friends of the family” whose job it is to avert attention-getting disaster and shield the family’s name.

For those worried about America becoming a plutocracy, bimbos are the unsung heroes, our magnificent hidden resource. Thousands of bimbos have given of themselves to rescue America from domination by a hereditary plutocracy. This contribution is easy to overlook, especially given the lavish lifestyle of these empty-headed sexpots, but it is real.

Still, like a clean environment and abundant energy, this resource is best appreciated after its depletion. What if today’s high-tech billionaires suddenly lusted after Harvard JDs and state-of-the-art MBAs? What if marrying a buxom space cadet goes out of style among the Kennedys or Gettys? The consequences are as clear as they are dangerous: a nation ruled by an elite combining wealth and brains. We must not let this happen. We must insure that no promising bright young men from leading families be denied the advantages of gorgeous loose women. Let us celebrate the gift of bimbo genes to the preservation of democracy.


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