Oh Canada!

Hockey Night in Haiti

January 14, 2013

Cherry’s first three messages contain what sane people used to call “facts,” and the last one is a pretty pedestrian personal opinion.

But in the Canada the CBC helped create, such comments won’t do. The easily offended promptly denounced the broadcaster as a racist, xenophobic, ignorant bigot—sounding every bit as blowhardy as Cherry himself, but without his hard data.

Frankly, Cherry didn’t go far enough. He didn’t mention Haitian-born “singer” Wyclef Jean’s foundation, which collected loads of cash after the earthquake and—you’ll never guess—turned out to be irreparably corrupt.

Cherry also neglected to mention that, besides flushing tens of millions of taxpayer dollars into the gaping Haitian sinkhole, Canada has welcomed plenty of Haitian immigrants over the years—some of them as “rape refugees”—and only a handful have amounted to something. Just as many have formed gangs such as the Bo-Gars and the Crack Down Posse.

Thoughtful folks have been asking “why Haiti is so hopeless” long before that earthquake and its aftermath. This puzzle is compounded by the fact that Haiti’s geographical conjoined twin, the Dominican Republic, is exponentially more successful by every measure.

The problem seems obvious, if only to me: Haiti is full of Haitians.

Do-gooders try to pawn Haitians off as French-speaking Roman Catholics, when they’re actually Creole-speaking voodoo practitioners—in other words, human anachronisms. Being the descendants of slaves has left them fatally allergic to work. Haitians haven’t even tried to profit off the West’s seemingly bottomless appetite for all things zombie, an entrepreneurial enterprise that should’ve been, well, a no-brainer.

I mean, holy hell, how stupid is this?

After a successful slave rebellion formally freed the Haitians from their French masters, the French still managed to bully the Haitians into paying them the huge indemnity for ‘lost property’ —that is, freed slaves—in exchange for diplomatic relations.

By the time these payments ended in 1947, Haiti had forked over $21 billion, proving once again that “the poor” have more money than they let on—they just spend it stupidly.

Back to Don Cherry. Believe it or not, this was an actual headline in a real Canadian newspaper:

Ottawa defends Haiti funding review after Don Cherry calls $50-million in aid to beleaguered country ‘nuts’

Well, it’s a real newspaper for now. The newish National Post is bleeding subscribers as it sheds the conservatism that was its initial selling point.

As for Ottawa, this guy may very well replace PM Harper in the next election.

But Don Cherry? The only thing that will outlive the coach is probably little old Haiti. How do you say “last laugh” in Creole?


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