Bitch, Please!

Go Away Perez Hilton, and Take Your Purse With You

September 19, 2010

Multiple Pages
Go Away Perez Hilton, and Take Your Purse With You

So you’re here and you’re queer. Get over it. You’ve made your point and shoved it down our throats repeatedly. Now, when are you going to grow up and shut up? I’ve had just about all I can take of the gay community’s loudmouth self promotion. I don’t want to be made to feel individually responsible for your troubles or your fight for civil rights. I certainly don’t wish to know if you pitch or catch. At this point, I have much bigger problems facing me. America is bankrupt, corrupt, and increasingly monopolized by dangerously idiotic legislation. But somehow a GLAAD spokesperson thinks he’s going to further gay rights or make the world care about a bitch fight on Twitter between a rapper and a fame whore by issuing a statement? Please.

Last week, Rich Ferrero, an intern for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation got involved in a Twitter war between the rapper 50 Cent and the gossipmonger Perez Hilton. Hilton probably orchestrated the stunt for publicity, but instead of ignoring the little snitch, GLAAD was manipulated. Apparently the rapper made some incendiary threats, which you can read about on Page Six. The rapper’s Tweet said, “Perez Hilton calld me douchebag so I had my homie shoot up a gay wedding. wasnt his but still made me feel better.” None of this sounds particularly serious or malicious to me, but clearly Rich Ferraro thought otherwise. He issued a statement saying, “It’s wrong to make jokes and promote violence against the gay community.” Um, while I agree that violence is wrong, men are often violent, including gay men. So this doesn’t come out of nowhere. I’m sure a few fruity kids still get beat up in the locker room and some queer-hating rednecks let off steam in the wrong direction on occasion. Nevertheless, the majority has become pretty accepting of homosexuals. Even those dingbats that oppose gay marriage don’t physically beat up gays very often.

Proclamations like those made by Rich Ferrero make people think homosexuals are a bunch of nagging babies who love to play victim. People like Perez Hilton make gays look really pathetic.

This Rich Ferraro person sounds like a big dunce who ought to be demoted for listening to anything Perez Hilton has to say. As far as I know, no one relating to this Tweet got “shot up.” Okay, thanks for reminding us not to beat up gays, Rich. I think most of us have that under control at this point. I doubt 50 Cent’s semi-literate tweet is inciting a lot of violence against gays. Furthermore, to suggest that making jokes is wrong is totally obtuse. If it really is wrong to make jokes about gays, then it must be wrong to make jokes about any community. Right, Rich? And by this reasoning, then humor must be altogether wrong. I want to know why a statement wasn’t issued regarding the misuse of the word douche bag? Maybe Rich Ferraro has forgotten he’s gay. Homosexuals are amongst the funniest people on earth. Actually, they are so good at poking fun, they can border on “wrong” themselves. But that’s not the point is it? The point is that without humor we are up to our ears in doodoo. Humor is the best way to diffuse an argument, and deal with name-calling. I think I have to side with 50 Cent on this one, pal.

Proclamations like those made by Rich Ferrero make people think homosexuals are a bunch of nagging babies who love to play victim. People like Perez Hilton make gays look really pathetic. Such childish nonsense doesn’t help homosexuals who want empathy and equal rights with the heterosexual community. Homosexuals who seek the same rights as heterosexuals are making a good start. If marriage is what the gay community wants, it should be allowed to have it. No person, government, or judge should tell them otherwise. I see it as absolutely no threat to the heterosexual understanding of marriage, or to anyone or anything else for that matter. Any heavy-handed objection is just nonsensical. But then, I guess some Christians need to be reminded once in a while of what it actually means to practice what they preach.

Queers like Hilton might want to think about truly practicing what they preach as well. I thought you guys were gay because you are attracted to men. So now I’m confused, why do some of you act and accessorize like school girls? I think it’s time, for those of you who haven’t already figured it out, to be like everybody else. For example, still today I get treated badly by all kinds of people. I’ve learned to stand up for myself. Because I am a grown-up. Unlike Perez, I don’t call MADRE or NOW every time some jerk treats me like I don’t count. No, I either let it go, or if I can’t help myself, I march right up to the fool, summon up my brain, and get them to admit the wrongdoing. Then I go buy a new Asprey handbag.

Speaking of handbags. What’s with all the fruits with a purse? I can’t get away from them. They’ve gone viral. Everywhere I turn I see young men sashaying about with Birkin’s, Balenciaga’s, and Bottega’s. They’re starting to really bother me. But I guess more than anything, they just make me laugh. It just looks so damn silly. Equally ridiculous are women who prance around with over-priced designer handbags the size of suitcases. Obviously sometimes men need bags. But for heaven’s sake, get a man bag instead of a girl bag. When I asked my gay friends what they think of boys with purses they unanimously said it was a simple case of bad taste. Bad taste must be in fashion these days.

Perhaps walking around with a good old satchel or a backpack will help homosexuals remember who they are and what it means to be a man, gay or straight. When gay people act like “sissies”, what they’r really doing is acting like children. I have little patience for grown-ups who act like children. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? After the age of 18 one is at the helm of one’s own life. This means we handle our own Tweets, Perez, as well as our own damage, and our own well-being. Nobody else does. Certainly not GLAAD.


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