Superstardumb

Glitter From the Gutter

March 07, 2012

Multiple Pages
Glitter From the Gutter

Not much is happening in the celebrity gutter this week unless you count the big pregnancy rumors from Snooki of Jersey Shore fame. Her boyfriend Jionni (nice spelling) LaValle is the baby-daddy-to-be, and her ex-boyfriend Emilio Masella told TMZ he hopes she miscarries because the Snook isn’t ready for motherhood. God knows he’s probably right, but maybe a baby is what Snooki needs to turn her silly reality spin-off show into a goldmine for MTV. It would certainly be funnier than Teen Mom. Picture Snooki in leopard-print leggings, stripper heels, a baby in one hand, and a drink in the other. Tawk abouda gut-busta!

Uma Thurman is also said to be pregnant with her third child. Thurman has two children with actor Ethan Hawke and is expecting the third with Arki Busson, a European financier socialite who has two kids from his previous marriage to model Elle Macpherson. Arki certainly likes the leggy blonde type. Arki and Uma have broken up several times but now they’re tied to each other for life. We wonder if she’ll move to London where Busson lives or if he’ll commute from New York and Hollywood. He’s rich, but is he rich enough to jet about on a private plane? Let’s hope so. Maybe that will keep Uma, rumored to be a real man-eater, from moving onto bigger and better prey.

“Picture Snooki in leopard-print leggings, stripper heels, a baby in one hand, and a drink in the other.”

Diane von Furstenberg’s playboy son Alex is going to be a father again too. His longtime girlfriend Ali Kay is three months pregnant according to Page Six. Alex has several children with his ex-wife, heiress Alexandra Miller, who is currently engaged to architect Dax Miller (no relation). No word on whether Alex and Ali will marry. Von Furstenberg has a taste for the young and sweet, who often fall for his charms. And why not? He’s a prince, he’s rich, he’s handsome, and he’s charming. But he is European after all, so watch out! They’re not known to be the most faithful.

Speaking of philanderers, Ashton Kutcher has a new girlfriend. Of course the rumors have been denied but when no one is looking, writer Lorene Scafaria and Kutcher are supposedly holding hands. Scafaria looks pretty normal but surely this romance will fizzle just as soon as Ashton gets horny for another groupie. We all know he’s a ladies’ man with a wandering eye.

Lindsay Lohan hosted Saturday Night Live last weekend. The critics largely panned her performance but the ratings were among the season’s highest. There isn’t much to say about the show since we didn’t see it, but what’s wrong with her frozen face? The best explanation is that she has switched from one addiction to another. What’s next—Cosmetic Surgery Anonymous?

Big-screen beauties Olivia Munn and Christina Hendricks had their cell phones hacked last week and now faux nudie shots of them have been leaked on the Internet. Both actresses claim the images have been doctored. What on Earth is wrong with these hackers? Don’t they have anything better to do? Get a life.

Also in need of a life, Christie Brinkley and her ex-husband Peter Cook are at it again. Though their divorce was finalized four years ago the dueling Hamptonites can’t seem to get along. They are each claiming the other breached a divorce-settlement clause prohibiting aggressive communication. These two should stop bickering and grow up. They are really too pathetic for words.

A performance of Dustin Lance Black’s play about same-sex marriage brought out the stars in Hollywood last Saturday. Martin Sheen, Jane Lynch, and Brad Pitt were said to have “dazzled” onstage. The play, 8, is about the court case surrounding California’s anti-gay-marriage Proposition 8, which was approved by voters only to be overturned by a federal judge. Other actors who starred in the play include George Clooney, Kevin Bacon, Jamie Lee Curtis, John C. Reilly, and Christine Lahti.

We hate it when Hollywood gets political, but since it’s a California law and the industry’s just a-teemin’ with The Gays, we are happy to see stars ending up on this page for something other than suicide attempts and drunken brawling. Let’s hope the gay community will simmer down now that they’ve gotten what they want. Everybody is sick to death of hearing about their sex lives, especially those who don’t support it. Run along, get married, and stay home for once.

RIP Davy Jones of The Monkees, guitarist Ronnie Montrose, and Andrew Breitbart.

 

SUBSCRIBE
For Email Updates


Comments


The opinions of our commenters do not necessarily represent the opinions of Taki's Magazine or its contributors.