PC World

Girl Scout Kooky

January 24, 2012

Multiple Pages
Girl Scout Kooky

At my first and last Brownie meeting, I hid in the community-center bathroom for two hours while the other girls played jumpsies, screeched like pterodactyls, and did other scary stuff.

From that night on, I pegged the Girl Scouts as an inconsequential holding pen for dimwitted, extroverted sheep and bossy Lucy van Pelts whose parents got stuck selling overrated cookies once a year.

Until recently, I had no idea the organization was helping dismantle what’s left of the West.

Unflattering news stories about the Girl Scouts (GSUSA) are becoming the “shark attacks” of early 2012.

First came the tale of Sydney Volanski, a 15-year-old girl who quit the Girl Scouts because its handbook about “combat[ing] media misinformation” recommended the unabashedly left-wing “watchdog” site Media Matters as a trusted resource. Besides being blatantly biased and often downright inaccurate, the site encourages foul-mouthed, unhinged personal attacks in its comments. Not exactly wholesome reading.

Earlier this month, a Girl Scout employee quit after a superior told her to turn her “Pray to End Abortion” T-shirt inside-out.

Then a 14-year-old girl in Ventura County posted a video calling for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies to protest the organization’s “radical homosexual agenda.”

“Until recently, I had no idea the organization was helping dismantle what’s left of the West.”

She pointed to the case of Bobby Montoya, the Colorado boy whose family encourages his delusion that he’s a girl. Bobby was “humiliated” after being denied membership in his local Girl Scout troop. In the wake of the “controversy,” the state chapter reversed that decision. (No word on whether Bobby is working toward his “Vagina” badge.)

The boycott video first appeared on Honest Girl Scouts, one of a handful of sites (!) promising to reveal what the “Girl Scouts doesn’t want you to know” (such as the pro-abortion advocacy of past and present CEOs and the organization’s ties to Planned Parenthood and lesbian tennis players).

Even the most liberal-minded mothers won’t be pleased to learn that local troops only get about ten percent of the annual $700 million raked in from cookie sales. GSUSA gets the rest, which reportedly “allows [it] to partner with pro-abortion and gay-promotion groups.”

According to Sharon Slater of Family Watch International, GSUSA has used these multi-millions to fashion a decidedly gay corporate culture that’s trickled down to troop level. Among many other damning factoids, Slater notes that the Girl Scouts’ Director of Administration and Chief of External Affairs are both “prominent” gay-rights activists. She points out that the Scouts’ “Global Explorer” scholarship application form offers checkboxes for “male, female or transgender.”

Unfortunately, these enthusiastic critics take their legitimate concerns a badge too far. They can’t resist the temptation (almost unique to culturally tone-deaf Christian conservatives) to toss in some Duck and Cover-level hilarity.

The site 100 Questions for the Girl Scouts displays an anachronistic fixation on MTV, which I didn’t think was still on the air. It asks earnestly, “Why did Girl Scouts feature Charlotte Caffey to launch their ‘Girl Scouts Rock’ campaign, when Charlotte’s band the Go-Go’s had posed in their underwear on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine?”

Well, yes, in 1982. And the photo is tame even by early ’80s standards, with the girls striking a pose that’s more pajama party than porn.

Writing in the Washington Times, Cathy Cleaver Ruse reveals that the “Girl Scouts have a cross-dresser in the front office.”

That would be Joshua Ackley, who’s listed as the press contact for the GSUSA New York City head office. In a two-page document chronicling Ackley’s exploits, we’re informed that he founded the Dead Betties, a now defunct “homopunk” (they mean “queercore”) band. The Dead Betties’ music videos depict “masturbation, prostitution and violence against women.” (Activities they manage to make look pretty tedious, I must add.)

Since GSUSA’s Healthy Media Campaign encourages “positive images of women and girls” and outlines “a blueprint for promoting positive and healthy media images,” I can see how that might be a problem.

But once again, these Girl Scout critics can’t resist beclowning themselves, adding the damning fact that Joshua was quoted in an article about how gay males “are fans of Courtney Love.”

(Let’s hope my corporate clients don’t find out I still listen to Live Through This at least once a week.)

These petty revelations distract attention from some truly worrisome stuff.

First: There’s an “AIDS badge” now?

And a Planned Parenthood sex-education brochure featuring the Girl Scout logo was handed out to hundreds of Texas children? (It included information on “homosexuality and masturbation, as well as illustrations of couples having sex.”)

And GSUSA collaborated with the EPA on a campaign encouraging girls (who presumably can’t vote yet) to push elected officials to “support legislation that reduces greenhouse gas emissions”?

Having failed to earn their Moral Compass Orientation badges, the response of the average urban-sophisticate parent to all this will be “Yeah, and—?”

The Boy Scouts’ internecine battle against imminent homosexual takeover has received far more public attention. The war for the Girl Scouts is finally getting mainstream media attention, but I doubt it will matter. Fighting “Big Homo” and its breeder fellow travelers is nigh on impossible. Some sane parents have set up Scouting alternatives. (Although not all these parents are sane.)

The Girl Scouts have declared 2012 to be “The Year of the Girl.” The organization will be “working to break down societal barriers that prevent girls from leading in their own lives.”

Apparently, “leading their own lives” doesn’t include being paid for their work: Girl Scout cookies raise almost three quarters of a billion dollars a year for the head office, while the Girl Scouts themselves don’t seem to get much beyond the dubious reward of sharing a tent with a creepy, long-haired boy at sleepover camp.

The Girl Scouts: a gay-run sweatshop—in the forest!

Enjoy those cookies, America.


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