Afternoon Delight

Garofalo: Guardian of the Lowly Negro

October 04, 2011

Multiple Pages
Garofalo: Guardian of the Lowly Negro

Janeane Garofalo likes her politicians like she likes her coffee…black. In her most recent psychotic attempt to help the black achiever Herman Cain, Garofalo ranted:

People like Karl Rove liked to keep the racism very covert. And so Herman Cain provides this great opportunity so that you can say, “Look, this is not a racist, anti-immigrant, anti-female, anti-gay movement. Lookit, we have a black man!”

Lookit we have a black man!? Cain is a black man with a bachelor’s degree in mathematics and a master’s degree in computer science, a black man who worked as a mathematician for the Navy specializing in missile ballistics.

Cain is a black man who took charge of Pillsbury’s poorest performing 400 Burger King restaurants in the Philadelphia area and in three years turned them into the company’s best performers. Cain is a black man who made the almost-bankrupt Godfather’s Pizza profitable in 14 months.

Cain is a black man who became an adviser to the Federal Reserve on monetary policy affecting business and finished his corporate career as chairman of a regional Federal Reserve Bank—one small step from running America’s most powerful banking system.

Why would the Republicans possibly support a black guy with Cain’s credentials? He’s far too qualified to be president. According to Garofalo, Herman Cain is a token but too stupid to recognize it. If only Cain were an unqualified metrosexual man of questionable African descent, the Republicans would have hit the trifecta!

“If you were Janeane Garofalo, would you want to deal with yourself sober?”

Consider Garofalo’s statement regarding liberal women:

We’re our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.

She might as well have said, “Democrats are our own worst enemies, but I still blame Republicans.”

Garofalo knows she is demented; to her credit, she admitted in a 2003 interview that she had “overcome a sobriety problem with alcohol.” If you were Janeane Garofalo, would you want to deal with yourself sober?

Garofalo looks for darkness. She told an interviewer:

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things.

Garofalo seems fixated on dark politicians. When she is not “helping” America’s first dark—well, or at least semi-dark—president, she’s counseling a fully dark presidential candidate. As Garofalo warned, “You get pigeonholed if you don’t look a certain way.”

Sort of like how liberals pigeonhole black people to be Democrats?

The roots of Garofalo’s incessant need to help lowly Negroes may be found in Garofalo’s misguided view of America, as she revealed here:

Our country is founded on a sham…our forefathers were slave-owning rich white guys who wanted it their way. So when I see the American flag, I go, “Oh my God, you’re insulting me.”

America’s Founding Fathers. Those self-indulgent rich white slave owners had the nerve to actually attempt eliminating slavery in Article 1 Section 9 of the Constitution, which disallowed the importation of slaves after Jan 1, 1808. For Garofalo the preamble reads, “We the people—but not black people….”

Those creative Democrats got around that little constitutional “importation” verbiage with a technicality: They made slaves of slave’s children.

How’s that for progressive thinking? This creative thinking is a major cause of the Civil War. But don’t let me interrupt Garofalo’s delusions with the FACTS!

Here is another piece of history that might shock Garofalo: In 1654, black slave John Casor sought freedom from Anthony Johnson, a black slave owner—the first official slave owner in America. Uh-oh…the dirty little secret revealed.

Casor had fought to gain his freedom from Johnson, saying that he was an indentured servant being kept beyond his term of servitude by Johnson and that he was not a slave.

A Northampton court ruled against him, and thus Casor became the first person to be declared a “slave for life.”

You know that all-white Northampton court was conflicted. Either way they ruled, a black man would benefit. Or as Garofalo would believe, either way the court ruled, a black man got “railroaded by ‘the man.’”

Slave for life. A progressive concept started by a progressive black man, propagated by a group of progressive white men.

It should come as no surprise that Garofalo named her production company “I Hate Myself Productions.” That name might explain why Garofalo enjoys “helping” black people so much, as she brings such a positive attitude. As Cleavon Little said in Blazing Saddles, “Hey, where are da white women at?”

Garofalo craves relevance, but she doesn’t know who or what she is. Garofalo is the one thing for sure: the worst kind of racist, delusional enough to believe she is better than black people. What would an accomplished black man like Herman Cain do without Janeane “Guardian of the Lowly Negro” Garofalo?

 

SUBSCRIBE
For Email Updates


Comments


The opinions of our commenters do not necessarily represent the opinions of Taki's Magazine or its contributors.