Taki's Mag

Frances Bean Cobain

Hollywood has a rule: If it’s true, it’s strange.

Kurt Cobain’s widow Courtney Love recently voiced parental concern for her hapless spawn Frances Bean via Twitter. Rumors had been circulating that former Nirvana drummer and current Foo Fighters singer Dave Grohl had been romantically involved with Frances Bean. Love took to Twitter to reprimand her husband’s old bandmate. Love later issued a Twitter apology to her daughter, who says she has nothing more than a platonic relationship with Grohl, that she is in a monogamous relationship with someone else, and that her mother should be banned from Twitter. Courtney Love has always been deranged, which may be why her daughter doesn’t want anything to do with her. Courtney, publicly flaunting your meager maternal instincts isn’t going to win your daughter’s favor. A separate note to Frances: Stop injecting your lips with ass fat. You’re starting to look like your mother.

Speaking of fat lips, Angelina Jolie is finally engaged to Brad Pitt. The couple decided to make it official in a bid to please their six children, who are still young and eager to be like everyone else—even though some of them were adopted precisely because they weren’t like everybody else. Back when Jolie was married to Billy Bob Thornton, they renewed their vows by cutting their fingers and sipping each other’s blood. A reality show with this bunch would net the E! channel a lot more dough than the Kardashians. I’d like a piece of the backend on this one, assuming it hasn’t already been pitched and then nixed by Jolie and Pitt. I’m guessing it might not be highbrow enough for them, so how about a Tim Burton-directed remake of The Addams Family starring the multiculti OctoFam?

Morgan Freeman stars in an odd little tidbit recently reported by Page Six. See if you can follow this one; I had to read it twice. The gist of it is the Shawshank Redemption star with the winning voice spends a lot of time with his step-granddaughter, E’dina Hines, whose mother he adopted when he was married to E’dina’s grandmother, whom he divorced in 1979. A mini-scandal broke out because Freeman was often seen at events with Hines and people assumed they were dating. Turns out there is no blood relation and that they’re not involved romantically. Freeman family tree sounds almost as complicated as Henry VIII’s.

Last weekend the Coachella music festival kicked off in Indio, California and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony took place in Ohio. The big fuss in Cleveland—where Donovan, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Beastie Boys, and Guns N’ Roses were also inducted—involved Axl Rose. The rubber-faced rocker was noticeably absent from the stage when three original band members played using another singer. Apparently no one missed Rose and his egomaniacal antics. Too bad he owns the rights to the band’s name and was one of the best front men ever. Axl, you’re off your axle: Take a pill, let bygones be bygones, and get the band back together. Alternatively, Slash and the boys could take cues from the folks in Indio and project a hologram of young Axl onto the stage like they did of Tupac Shakur last weekend. The projection was so lifelike, the crowd in Coachella went nuts. Supposedly the less-than-sober among the audience were confused, since Tupac has been dead for 15 years.

Neither a hologram nor a mirage, an unknown New Yorker named Quamine Taylor was recently caught staying inside rapper/entrepreneur Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs’s Long Island home. Taylor was allegedly taking up residence in Diddy’s house when Puffy-Poo was away, making use of his food, booze, and beachwear. Taylor is still in jail, unable to post $2,000 bail. Come on, Sean! This guy sounds pretty entrepreneurial just like you: Cut the guy loose and give him a job holding your umbrella.

Out West, some San Francisco residents are upset about a mobile strip joint that has been circling the Sunset District. What will Larry Flynt think of next—Hustler Air? Down in the Southland, that most peculiar of actors, Vincent Gallo, is suing the City of Los Angeles in an attempt to stop needless spending. Apparently a government program to improve downtown LA’s Art Deco district has done little but line a private company’s pockets at the taxpayers’ expense. Gallo is one of the weirdest people I have ever met, but this is something I can wrap my head around without getting a migraine. I wish more stars would spend their free time cleaning up their own backyards and going after wasteful government spending rather than hosting expensive fundraisers to elect Democrats or save obscure foreign nations.