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Freeloaders and Bloodsuckers

April 18, 2012

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Freeloaders and Bloodsuckers

Hollywood has a rule: If it’s true, it’s strange.

Kurt Cobain’s widow Courtney Love recently voiced parental concern for her hapless spawn Frances Bean via Twitter. Rumors had been circulating that former Nirvana drummer and current Foo Fighters singer Dave Grohl had been romantically involved with Frances Bean. Love took to Twitter to reprimand her husband’s old bandmate. Love later issued a Twitter apology to her daughter, who says she has nothing more than a platonic relationship with Grohl, that she is in a monogamous relationship with someone else, and that her mother should be banned from Twitter. Courtney Love has always been deranged, which may be why her daughter doesn’t want anything to do with her. Courtney, publicly flaunting your meager maternal instincts isn’t going to win your daughter’s favor. A separate note to Frances: Stop injecting your lips with ass fat. You’re starting to look like your mother.

“A separate note to Frances: Stop injecting your lips with ass fat. You’re starting to look like your mother.”

Speaking of fat lips, Angelina Jolie is finally engaged to Brad Pitt. The couple decided to make it official in a bid to please their six children, who are still young and eager to be like everyone else—even though some of them were adopted precisely because they weren’t like everybody else. Back when Jolie was married to Billy Bob Thornton, they renewed their vows by cutting their fingers and sipping each other’s blood. A reality show with this bunch would net the E! channel a lot more dough than the Kardashians. I’d like a piece of the backend on this one, assuming it hasn’t already been pitched and then nixed by Jolie and Pitt. I’m guessing it might not be highbrow enough for them, so how about a Tim Burton-directed remake of The Addams Family starring the multiculti OctoFam?

Morgan Freeman stars in an odd little tidbit recently reported by Page Six. See if you can follow this one; I had to read it twice. The gist of it is the Shawshank Redemption star with the winning voice spends a lot of time with his step-granddaughter, E’dina Hines, whose mother he adopted when he was married to E’dina’s grandmother, whom he divorced in 1979. A mini-scandal broke out because Freeman was often seen at events with Hines and people assumed they were dating. Turns out there is no blood relation and that they’re not involved romantically. Freeman family tree sounds almost as complicated as Henry VIII’s.