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Dope Doggy Dogg

August 01, 2012

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Dope Doggy Dogg

I’ve often felt that the War on Terror was the best thing that happened to globetrotting drug addicts since the days before bags were inspected at all. After 9/11, the traveling pothead didn’t necessarily need to worry about how to score weed while on vacation. Since every TSA agent from here to Kingdom Come was too busy looking for razor blades and explosive underpants, it felt safer to travel with a couple of discreetly stashed doobies in your case.

That is, until last month when Norwegian sniffer dogs snooped out eight grams of ganja in rapper Snoop Dogg’s luggage. Here I was, thinking Snoop was token godfather of potheads ever since Bob Marley bought the farm. (Snoop now maintains he is Marley reincarnated.) But even though he got off with barely a spanking, does Dogg’s bust make him the Grand Poobah of 420?

For bona fide stoners, Snoop’s bust shines an unwanted and disparaging light on otherwise law-abiding people who need the weed enough to risk traveling with it. Is this just a minor blip for Snoop that will soon be forgotten? He’s been busted for drug possession multiple times before, and it only seems to have helped his career.

“The War on Drugs is as lost as Operation Iraqi Freedom.”

What was the Dawg thinking? Can’t he hire a mule? Eight grams is way too much to be smuggling across borders. Only fools and rappers be traveling with more than a little chunk of hash or a couple of pre-rolled pussy joints. Were you a little too high when you packed your luggage, Snoop? I bet you had that stinky skunk that reeks so much even an elderly house pet with sinus trouble could suss it out through a vacuum-packed Ziploc. Snoop be pushing hiz luck. Even though he has never made excuses about getting high, why flaunt it unless you are trying to make a point?

I love Snoop for his transparency and admire his passion for pot. According to Cameron Diaz, Snoop may have dealt her some weed back in high school when he was still Calvin Broadus. He has been advocating Mary Jane’s ample charms since forever. Even though it may be hard to take him seriously on account of his funny name and his funky outfits, Dogg is an advocate. I can’t stand most “advocates,” but for Snoop I make an exception. He speaks on behalf of a lot of people for whom weed is actually medicinal. And I don’t only mean cancer patients. For those who suffer from anxiety, weed can be immensely helpful. Sure, the hydroponic skunk people smoke these days can make you crazy, retarded, or completely mental, but I’m talking about your garden-variety grass. I can tell you from personal experience, it mellows a person out and helps mental midgets deal with emotional turmoil. It depends what you smoke and for how long. Chronic use of the chronic can send you the way of Bob Marley, who died of cancer.