Joe Bob's America

Donnie and Jong Un, BFFs

July 01, 2018

Multiple Pages
Donnie and Jong Un, BFFs

SupremeCommanderDude: Hey, you up? What time is it there? The sun already saluted me three times today.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: The Jongster! Just thinking about ya.

SupremeCommanderDude: Oh yeah? Don’t worry, all the nuke guys are being eaten by dogs 2day. JK LOL

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Naw, we’re cool. Thinking about pizza. Just dealing with Melania, AGAIN.

SupremeCommanderDude: And that reminded you of moi? I don’t have the legs, man. LOLOL.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: I had a question about Ri.

SupremeCommanderDude: Shoot, bro, she’s in the west wing reading “Let Us Defend the Revolutionary Spirit of Independence, Self-Reliance, and Self-Defense More Thoroughly in All Fields of State Activities” to the kids.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Does she ever chime in on stuff?

SupremeCommanderDude: Only when we get close to the Chanel shop. LOL.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Oh man, BEEN THERE.

“Befriending Afro-Americans helps the whole overall narrative of this thing.”

SupremeCommanderDude: You mean like actual opinions? I remember one night we were at the Hamhung Grand to see “The Shrine for a Tutelary Deity” and she said one of the actors was too old to be the daimon in a spirit house.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: No, I don’t mean movie bullshit.

SupremeCommanderDude: Shut yo mouth. Live-ass drama!

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Oh yeah, she drags me to Broadway. We went to some play about singing French assholes and it was called “The Miserable Singing French Assholes,” they actually labeled it miserable, so yeah, been there, done that, shut the fuck up is what I say, just give me a tee time.

SupremeCommanderDude: I hear ya, man. I gotta do revolutionary opera and shit, my old man got the family into it. The entertainment options SUCK here. We gotta talk later about that NBA expansion team, you haven’t mentioned it lately but I’m gonna bug ya. I know Houston already claimed Rockets for a mascot, so listen to this: the Pyongyang Thermos.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: I don’t get it.

SupremeCommanderDude: THERMONUCLEAR, man. The Thermos. Or we could just go with the Thermonukes. That’s what we’re known for, it’s all marketing.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Naw, that’s like a canister that poor people sit on the grass and drink out of. You can’t use that. Do you even have a venue for basketball?

SupremeCommanderDude: Do I have a venue? The Ryugyong Chung Ju-Yung Gym, bro. Ask my homie Dennis Rodman, he’s seen it, slam-dunked it, and trained 12,000 revolutionary commissars to do the wave.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Oh yeah, I never thanked you for that. Befriending Afro-Americans helps the whole overall narrative of this thing. I have a black friend also.

SupremeCommanderDude: Send him over, we’re building a team.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Naw, he doesn’t play, but I’ll send him to talk to Rodman. Tell Dennis that Kanye will be dropping by. KAHN-YAY is the African pronunciation.

SupremeCommanderDude: Will do. By the way, I’m sending over some tech docs tomoro about You Know What.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: I don’t know, I haven’t said yes on that yet.

SupremeCommanderDude: Come on, bro, ONE ROCKET, ONE WARHEAD, and we keep it locked up 30 miles from Tonghae. It helps with p.r.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Looks bad from my end. It’s not the numbers, it’s the RANGE.

SupremeCommanderDude: Hear me out, it’s a win-win.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Convince me.

SupremeCommanderDude: 5100 nautical miles.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: ??????????

SupremeCommanderDude: Think about it. What if I pull the tech guys off the project and we max out at 5100 nautical miles?

AwesomeHillaryKiller: You gonna make me Google it? How the fuck far is that?

SupremeCommanderDude: Far enough to hit California.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: EXACTLY. That’s why we gotta reboot.

SupremeCommanderDude: Wait. Listen.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: . . .

DearLeaderDude: But NOT far enough to hit Arizona, Nevada, Idaho, Utah or Montana.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: What’s your point?

SupremeCommanderDude: Here are the only numbers that matter: 55.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Stop being a douche and tell me what this is about.

SupremeCommanderDude: Electoral votes. California electoral votes.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: OMG.

SupremeCommanderDude: Told you you’d love it.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: :0

SupremeCommanderDude: So what was it you wanted to tell me about Melania?

AwesomeHillaryKiller: :)

SupremeCommanderDude: Bro?

AwesomeHillaryKiller: :P

SupremeCommanderDude: Yeah, love you, too.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: ;)

SupremeCommanderDude: Okay, later. Think about it. I gotta run and salute some submarines and soak up some adulatory chanting. Stay loose and never be afraid to whip it out. Peace, love, party down. Bye.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Wait! You there?

SupremeCommanderDude: Always here for you, Donaroonie.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Just California?

SupremeCommanderDude: It’s actually easier to go Oregon and Washington, unless you want me to mess with Hawaii. Call me sentimental but I love Maui.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: No, just asking.

SupremeCommanderDude: I don’t have unlimited resources over here.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Got it. Can’t be greedy.

SupremeCommanderDude: California’s enough, bro. You can even hit me back. I’ll give you some Yalu River reclamation crap—great CNN visuals and we both look like ballers.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: You’re right. I don’t even need all California, just the coast north of San Diego.

SupremeCommanderDude: Hey, you know what you call a Red Hen over here?

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Don’t do this to me.

SupremeCommanderDude: Commie Pastrami.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: I don’t get it.

SupremeCommanderDude: It’s RED, just like your states.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Gotta go, pizza’s here, youngun.

SupremeCommanderDude: You love doing that, don’t you? Still seven more executions before din-din, homie. Out.

AwesomeHillaryKiller: Are you sure it’s 55? Because that’s awesome.

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