Taki's Mag

Bobby Seppo is a third generation New Yorker and a US Army Sergeant who has served two terms in Iraq. Though he is technically done his service, he just volunteered to go back and will be leading reserves in Afghanistan by the end of the month. This is a transcription of a conversation we had at a local bar in Brooklyn.

It’s important to note that Bobby (not his real name though I kept the secondary name Estonian) had no idea I was recording him and this is just casual banter with a guy in a dive bar in an industrial part of town. When I showed it to a marine he was livid and told me never to show it to anyone. Point being: This is not how uniformed US Military would talk to a news source interviewing them and it’s not meant to represent the military’s stance on anything. This is just how people in Brooklyn talk when there’s no filter and a bunch of beer. It’s an honest opinion from someone who lives outside the Ivory Tower discourse and actually fights and yes, recording someone without their permission is a felony.

Gavin McInnes: You’re going back?

Sgt. Seppo: I know, right? I don’t know. I miss it, man. I miss the camaraderie. I miss the excitement. I’m just meant to be over there.

It’s easy to forget that there’s no conscription anymore. The guys that are over there volunteered. We all assume they hate it but if it’s your calling…

Yeah, and the battalion I was in you had to volunteer twice! That meant everyone there really wanted to be there. It was a good group of guys.

What battalion is that?

The 82nd.

Are you below marines?

Well yeah, we’re just grunts but if you asked a marine about the 82nd, he’d say we’re not grunts. If he was an educated marine he’d give us props. We’re the best of the worst.

What about this new group you’re going to be leading?

Well, Reserves usually suck. They’re below the bottom. They don’t got heart and they don’t know what they’re doing. I had some guys from Ohio once that were so lazy you couldn’t believe it.

Give me an example.

At night, 50% of us are doing patrol to protect the other 50%. I check their guns before they go out and you shoulda seen this hick’s gun. It looked like he dragged it to fuckin’ work.

And what does that mean?

What do you mean what does it mean? It won’t fire. There is no way in hell that gun would have fired one bullet. He was putting all our lives in jeopardy. I pulled him out of the line and tore him a new ass. I got everyone involved. That’s what you gotta do.

Do you make them shine their boots?

Nah. The boots we got over there aren’t like that. They’re more like suede. I always hated that shit. Shining boots. What a joke. How does that make me a better soldier? I once told my Staff Sergeant that I think we should check boots at the END of the day and reward the guy with the dirtiest boots. That means he’s the one who did the most. If you got clean boots, you didn’t do shit all day. Me, I’m under the truck working the brake lines and changing oil. I look like shit at the end of the day because I work.  When I said that to the Sarge he said it was a good idea.

You’re like the Universal Soldier. You’re Van Damme.

Hell yeah, I hold the world’s record for taking apart a M16-A4 and putting it back together – blindfolded.

What kind of gun is that?

It’s a machine gun. There’s also the shorter stock M4 and M249 light machine gun.

What’s that gun I saw on 60 Minutes that can shoot a mile?

That’s the 50 cal sniper rifle. There’s guns that go farther though. Some Australian guy shot someone two miles away recently.

What? How does he do that?

Well, he’s got a spotter and they watch the way the first one goes. Maybe the wind blew it a little to the left. So they account for that the second time. It’s still amazing though. I think that’s a world record too.

You sound like you can’t wait to get back.

Yes and no. This time round I got mostly New York reserves. They’re the best Reserves to get because they fucking hustle. I guess they’re tougher because they grew up fighting and shit but Reserves aren’t professional soldiers and it’s always a challenge leading them.

Did you grow up fighting?

Hell yeah, you kidding me? I grew up in Williamsburg [new hipster enclave in Brooklyn]. This is way back in the 70s and 80s before it went faggot. When I was a kid there wasn’t anybody on the L train, ever. You see all these big warehouses? After manufacturing left, the city decided to turn them all into rehabilitation for crackheads. Every second person was a fucking crackhead. You had to fight through them like zombies.

What about now? You said earlier you don’t feel like you belong in your own neighborhood.

What’s with all this organic shit? I heard you earlier ordering, what, veggie duck? What the fuck is that?

(laughs) It’s wheat gluten.

(laughs harder) What!? Wheat what? Can you hear yourself?

Forget it. You say that the old days was nothing but crackheads and violence and you what, you prefer that to fags like me eating wheat gluten?

I been here so long my rent is still under $300 but I still think I’m going to move to Queens. I can’t talk to people here. When I meet some of the people in bars around here, they ask me what country I’m from. They think I’m a Polack or some shit.

You look like a Polack or an Irishman but what’s Seppo, wop?

Estonian. The Russian Navy kidnapped my grandfather from there when he was 16. For ten years he toured the world while his family worried about him and wondered if he was dead. You don’t hear that when they talk about slavery and what the niggers went through. The Russian Navy would just steal people. He saw it all.

When he got to New York he just jumped ship. Like, he literally jumped off the boat and swam to the shore. Then he opened a brothel / gambling den in the Five Points. He knew how they worked from being a sailor. Plus, he could speak five languages. That’s how my name got to New York.

Wow, he was on some Gangs of New York shit.

Yeah, we’d still be there today but what happened was, the Italians came in and they murdered everybody. They took over that whole area which is why it’s Little Italy now. He went to Bay Ridge which is where all the Russians went. Now Bay Ridge is all Chinese and Italians. My Father moved us to Williamsburg. Down around here on Metropolitan.

Over by [strip club] Pumps?

Yeah! I ain’t been there in forever.

I like Pumps because they have American accents but Circles and Gallagher’s gets depressing because they have Eastern European accents and that makes me think of sexual slavery. They need to have been born here for me to get horny. There’s nothing sadder than a stripper with a Chinese accent. It makes you think of her huddled over a bucket in some container on the docks. You know what I mean?

Nope. I love fucking Asian chicks. Especially them Filipinas because they drink, they got asses and tits, and they love to fuck.

When we were stationed in Korea they shipped in these Filipino broads. You were supposed to pay $10 per drink to sit with them but you’d just go, “Yeah, look, tomorrow’s my day off. Let’s meet here at 2PM.”

For free?

Yeah, of course. Then you’d take them back to the barracks and just fuck the shit out of them. Sometimes, you’d hear your buddy outside your tent go, “Hey, you mind if I?” and I’d go yeah sure. You’d come out and there’d be a whole line up of guys jerking it, waiting for their turn.

For free?

Yeah! They love that shit. I’d say it was OK as long as I was number one.

You mean “in her heart” or “chronologically”?

Ha. In order. But I will say, I did kind of fall in love with one of them once. I wasn’t going to marry her, it wouldn’t have gone that far but I was at the point where I was going, “Hey, I’m really starting to like this girl.” Then I seen her with some other grunt and I got all mad. I laughed about it later. You gotta laugh at yourself when you do stupid shit like that.

No offense but why are they letting American soldiers run trains on them for free? Is it a Green Card thing?

No it’s like a fantasy. You know, cops, firemen… Women get turned on by soldiers. Even in Fort Bragg, we’d be driving in some shitty car, pull up to a car full of girls and say, “Hey, you wanna party with us?” Then we’d take them back to the barracks and fuck them all.

With condoms?

I do. A lot of the black guys don’t but that’s on them.

Is there a lot of fucking in the army?

This is the barracks I’m talking about. It’s for single guys. You don’t see married men in the barracks. But yeah, I’d say there’s still a lot of fucking in the army. People cheat. Blacks are the worst.

What do you mean?

Well, I fucked a lot of girls but only when I’m single. Some of these bitches, I’d find out later on, were married to soldiers. One time I fucked this chick here in New York and I seen a picture on her dresser of some sergeant. I go, “Who’s that?” and she goes, “That’s my husband.” I go, “Where is he now?” and she goes, “He’s at work. He’ll be here in two hours.” I got the fuck out of there boy. I was kind of mad too. Believe it or not, I have some respect. I don’t want to fuck no married woman. And if I’m with someone, I don’t fuck around. I feel too guilty. But niggers, they don’t care. They’ll be married and they’ll fuck everything that moves.

What do you think of blacks?

Well, in the army it’s weird. Most of your superiors are black because they tend to stick around whereas guys like me, white guys, usually use the army as a stepping-stone. Then we move on. I’m an exception. I’m a lifer. I’m black like that. Blacks will spend their whole life in the army. You don’t have to be smart to be in the army. The navy, the air force, most of those superiors are white but the army is for the bottom of the barrel.
I don’t have a feeling about blacks or niggers or whatever you wanna call them – either way. As far as soldiers go, the Southerners are the fucking worst. I mean real South like Alabama, Louisiana. They are niggers. Not a nice thing you can say about them. Sorry. Once you start going up north like North Carolina, they’re much better. Just like us. Only real difference is the cheating on their wives thing.

What about Puerto Ricans?

The niggers of the Latino world. I feel bad saying that because I got Puerto Ricans in my family but it’s true. They didn’t have to struggle to get here. They just hopped on a plan and they’re fucking lazy. And crazy.

However, me, personally, I only fuck Latina bitches. Not Puerto Ricans obviously but Dominicans, Colombians. White bitches got ruined by all this feminist crap. Their homes are disgusting. They don’t know how to clean. My ex-wife, she was bitching about having to clean the house. I go, “Get the fuck out!” Her and her daughters I go, “Get the fuck out of the house.” Two hours later, the house was Spic and Span. I’m telling you. Spotless. It was easy. And they spend all day trying to clean it and it still looks like shit. How come I can clean better than a woman? I can cook better than most white bitches too. That ain’t right.

That’s why I like Colombians. Their homes are fucking Spic and Span and they know how to be women. They’ll still wear high heel shoes when they’re 50 years old. They like to be treated like ladies. White chicks want to be your buddy. I got a buddy. Vince. I talk to him about sports and video games and shit. I don’t want to talk to some broad about all that shit. Colombians understand that.

Can you fuck them in the ass?

Sure. Sometimes you don’t even have to ask. They’ll tell you to do it.

Don’t they do coke all the time?

Ha! That’s Puerto Ricans more. Most Colombian broads I know don’t touch the stuff.

You said your “ex-wife.” Do you harbor some resentment? How long did it take you to get over your divorce?

Two years. But now I’m happily divorced.

It must be hard to keep a relationship when you’re in the army.

I didn’t serve when I was married to her. She didn’t want me to go and I respect that. It’s a weird fucking job and yes it’s very dangerous. If a wife doesn’t want her husband to go die, I get that. So I didn’t.

But you love fighting.

We got a saying in the army: “Join the army, be the best that you can be, meet new and exotic people, kill them.”

Have you ever killed anyone?

Hundreds probably. I used to do heavy artillery in Iraq. We’d see gunfire go off and I’d just lay into them. That meant anyone within 100 meters of the shot was severely injured and anyone within 50 meters was dead. I did that 17 times. You do the math.

Do you like to kill?

It’s my job. That’s what I hate about all these politics with this war. Just let us do our job. We go in there, kill everybody and you come in afterwards to set it up how you like it. Now they want us to do all this peacekeeping shit? If you want that, send in the UN. I don’t want to talk to people. I’m not a politician. I’m a soldier.

Remember that puppy video?

What?

That video with the soldiers throwing the puppy. Everyone was outraged. I thought it showed how severe the disconnect was with soldiers who are dying over there and middle class pundits who can’t even bear to see a puppy hurt.

I didn’t see that but I’ll tell you one thing. For every puppy some guy threw, there was a hundred Arabs doing shit way worse. I seen a guy cut off a dog’s ears just because he was bored. An adult. They have no respect for animals over there. It’s worse than Korea.

You must have been all over the world.

Yes.

What do you think of the English?

The soldiers are fucking arrogant but they can get away with it because - I hate to admit it but - they’re really well trained. I don’t like them but I can’t begrudge them the fact that they are some of the best-trained soldiers in the world.

What about the French?

Oh man. Don’t get me started on the French. My battalion, right, the same one I was in, was the same one that parachuted into France and saved their asses from the Nazis. They were heroes in France. Then we show up what, 70 years later, and they’re giving us shit.

What do you mean?

We’re in this bar in Paris, well, we walk up to this bar in Paris and we’re in uniform and the guy goes, “Are you American?” and we go, “Fuck yeah.” Then he says we can’t come in. He says we’re disgusting or some shit like that. So we go, “Oh really?” and we just walk in and kick the living shit out of every single guy in the bar.
I’m not kidding. We started on the far right, and just, one by one, beat their fucking heads in. It was like taking out the trash. We barely broke a sweat. Then we walk over to the bar across the street and we go, “Mind if we drink here?” And they go, “Yes, yes, come in. Come in.” Ha ha ha. Fucking faggots.
It was an International Incident. We got in a lot of shit for it but it felt great.

What does that mean, “A lot of shit?” You had to scrub toilets with toothbrushes or something?

Sort of. We got bawled out and they stationed us in the middle of nowhere next to a gypsy camp for two weeks.

I hate gypsies. They treat their kids like garbage.

Those fuckers are wily though. When we were there, they robbed a whole fucking BMW dealership overnight. I’m talking what, 100 cars? Loaded them on to a truck and drove them away.

You didn’t hear it. I thought 50% of you were on guard.

It was half a mile away and that’s none of my business. I don’t work for BMW.

Would you like to?

Fuck no. I’m a soldier.

 

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