Life

Abortion is Soooooo 90s!

April 27, 2012

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Abortion is Soooooo 90s!

When a child is having a temper tantrum, you have to be very careful what you say. Even a gently concerned “What’s wrong?” can send them on a whole new tirade. The same goes with discussing abortion. If you approach a so-called “feminist” and calmly raise the topic they will yell, “I don’t believe for one second that you think a woman doesn’t have the rights to her own body!” Then they will cover their ears and storm out of the room. To them, there is nothing to discuss. Case closed. Period. End of discussion. Been there, done that. Discussing abortion is soooooo 90s!

So let’s tippy-toe lightly and take some baby steps toward this delicate subject and at least get these colicky infants to acknowledge one or two things about the subject that don’t include being raped and impregnated by your father.

1. IT’S ILLEGAL TO KILL A BABY
Can we all agree it should be illegal to let a baby starve once it’s outside the womb? OK, now that’s settled, how far back can we go? How about two months after conception? A two-month-old fetus is about an inch tall. Can we call that a human? Even if we dropped all questions about life before this point, starting the abortion debate here would be a huge step for mankind. Coloring the News shows how alarmingly common third-trimester abortions are. Is it OK to find those offensive? Most of the people who claim they have no problem with abortion couldn’t stomach to look at the Google Image results for the word, those babies.

“Abortion? Why not adoption?”

2. YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP THE BABY
Abortion? Why not adoption?

3. MEN NEED TO LEARN TO WORK THEIR PENIS
Who are these moronic troglodytes ejaculating into women? Don’t they know how a penis works? Men masturbate daily and know exactly when they’re going to cum. Maybe after seeing a few friends sending child-support payments to a stranger for years, they would think twice about where they shoot their goo.

4. YOU FEEL DIFFERENTLY AFTER YOU SEE ONE COME OUT
I come from a world where abortion is birth control. My friends always bragged about it because they saw it as empowering. However, now that I’m getting older and these young pseudo-feminists have become older moms, preventing a life gets a lot more serious. I’m reminded of a friend of my wife’s who had two abortions in her youth. She has two kids now and says she doesn’t want another one. I asked her what she’d do if she got pregnant again and she said, “Probably lie on the floor and cry for three days.” In other words, she’d keep it. Once you see what they do after they come out, everything changes.

5. FREAKONOMICS WAS WRONG
Freakonomics noted that the crime rates plummeted after Roe v. Wade was passed and falsely inferred that correlation implies causation. I can smell the left’s latent classism where they don’t only want less people in the world, they want less of a certain kind of person. Most of the people I talk to look upon abortion as a real rain that’s “washing all the scum off the streets.” The important thing about Freakonomics’ abortion/crime theory is that it is completely false. They also left out the the fact that the nation’s jail and prison population balloned about tenfold since Roe v. Wade passed. That may have correlated with a drop in crime rates.


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