A Sorkin Excuse of a Man

December 15, 2010

There are millions of people who enjoy killing animals. It’s called “hunting.” It’s clearly not something that Jewish New York screenwriters do with their families. And there is a clear distinction between hunting and what Michael Vick did. One involved torture; the other does not. If you are, however, prepared to equate simply killing an animal with torturing an animal, we are back to the problem of your steak and your belt. You can’t have it both ways.

He goes on:

And you didn’t just do it for fun and you didn’t just do it for money. That was the first moose ever murdered for political gain. You knew there’d be a protest from PETA and you knew that would be an opportunity to hate on some people, you witless bully.

What? Are you serious? An aspiring politician did something for political gain? The sky is also blue. And look, the grass is green. Hot is hot. Cold is cold. And you, Aaron Sorkin, are a sniveling prat. When was the last time a politician didn’t do something for political gain?

In an attempt to nip potential criticism in the bud, Sorkin ends his piece by referring to the fact that he abused cocaine and was arrested for it in 2001. People who hunt for sport—absolutely indefensible. People who snort coke off a leather office chair after dinner at Morton’s—no big deal. What a paradigm of clarity you are, Aaron.

It’s no wonder Aaron Sorkin is so squeamish about hunting. If a little drug bust can make him queasy enough to faint, there is no telling what actually getting his hands dirty would do.

I do not support Palin’s White House aspirations. She lacks major experience (much like the current White House occupant), and I feel that looking “presidential” rarely involves wearing pink ski vests with extra-fuzzy collars to interviews.

But there can only be one proper response to Sorkin’s article from flyover America:

“Hey, Aaron! Go fuck yourself.”

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